Our agency

Emily:


12 days ago I sent our preliminary information into Gladney Center for Adoption. We decided on Gladney after a long search for the right agency for us. There are a TON of agencies out there, and most of them are really trustworthy and great. Our decision hinged on several main points:

-we wanted our agency to be Hague accredited
-we wanted to adopt from Ethiopia
-we preferred an agency that was licensed in North Carolina
-we needed an agency that would accept our ages and our income as sufficient to meet their requirements (some only require you to make above the poverty level as set by the government http://aspe.hhs.gov/poverty/09poverty.shtml, others have higher income standards)
-we wanted the opportunity to adopt our sweet baby as early in his/her life as possible, also we wanted the process to go as fast as possible (especially from referral to travel!)
-I particularly was looking for an agency who would communicate swiftly and generally be pleasant to work with

We found all of that at Gladney!
Other agencies we looked at included America World Adoption Agency and Adoption Advocates International, both are great organizations! If you're trying to decide what agency is right for you, check out www.adoptionagencyratings.com I found it super helpful!

No word yet on our housing situation. I've studied the manual that my contact at Gladney sent me as if I were gonna take a final on it! But alas, because all our paperwork is time sensitive, we can have no orientation until we can move out of stinky bed-bug house, or we risk it expiring later. Praying that we can keep moving with it soon.

Final happy thoughts and sweet deals:
-there are a bunch of shops on Etsy.com that sell sweet adoption stuff. Some of my favorites include Junkposse (who donates her proceeds to adoptive families) and MoonpathDesigns. This necklace is a personal favorite. Graham got it for me for our anniversary last year.
-I think I might try doing cloth diapers with our sweet babe to come. The coolest ones I've found so far are called Gro baby diapers. I mean, how great are these colors gonna look with an Ethiopian complexion?!?!-lastly I found this site online. It's an organization of photographers all over the US that have come together and said they're willing to volunteer their time and skills to help adoptive families celebrate their children's introduction into the family. They offer one free parent-child photo-shoot with up to 20 proofs, within the first year of bringing the child home. See the site for more details. It's: http://www.celebratingadoption.org

We ARE adopting!!!!

Emily:


So, funny story, the last post I wrote was about how excited I was that I had found stuff I could be working on toward our eventual adoption while we waited for our life to calm down enough so we could decide what our plan was. I thought I was just getting a head start, and that someday, far off in the future we'd adopt. HOWEVER...

Last week Graham and I went out to a fancy dinner at Osteria Cicchetti and made the decision that we're ready to pursue adoption, like NOW! We've spent the last week telling our family and close friends, and that's been really sweet. I don't think it's really sunk in yet, but at the same time it's all I can think about. Have I mentioned...

We're going to be adopting a sweet baby (12months or less) from the BEAUTIMUS land of ETHIOPIA!!!! And we're so excited, we can't wait!

"Why Ethiopia?" you might ask. Well, let me just tell ya... we both just feel our hearts drawn over seas, especially after reading books like Field of the Fatherless by Tom Davis, and There's No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene, and after learning so much about the world through Compassion International. As for the specific country, a friend of mine who has adopted internationally shared with me that as she and her husband were considering this for themselves, they asked themselves what culture they were most drawn to. After all, this culture's gonna be a celebrated part of your home for the rest of your life. For us that narrowed the search to the continent of Africa. And to be perfectly honest we weren't very well educated about the similarities and differences in its individual countries in terms of culture, socio-economic status, or really anything. So from there we began our search, investigating geography and economics, scouring agencies and programs and prerequisites, until we landed on Ethiopia. This last part of the decision seems really technical, but as we started investigating, we found that it's an ancient, beautiful country, rich in history and tradition, but it also faces the daily struggles of poverty, disease, and famine. We feel both inspired by the beauty of Ethiopian culture, and compelled to reach out to it. They call it the cradle of life, it's people the lost tribe of Israel. Archaeologists and theologians (my dad included) speculate that the arc of the covenant might be hidden in Ethiopia. They have beautiful legends of a dynasty of great rulers descended from a secret union between king Solomon and the famed Queen of Sheba (which I'm finding out may really be accurate). I mean, how much cooler can you get!?!?! Ethiopia's been in our hearts for over 2 years now, we just knew that that's where our baby was gonna be. Now we get to go find it!!!!

If you think of us when you're praying: (I'm anticipating this might need to be a recurring section in our blog) We've hit roadblock number 1. We need to get out of our apartment. It's not fit for a baby, and most likely wouldn't pass a home study. We have a couple of options, but it's a tricky, wait it out sort of thing, and that's hard. Please pray for us.

Below is a picture of the sweetest children's book I've found that deals with the subject of adoption. It's called A Mother for Choco, and as my sweet cousin Christy would say "It's the best!" Seriously, y'all, I started sobbing just telling Graham about Choco! Does anyone have any sweet books they'd recommend?

Comments

I think I've almost fixed the comments feature on our blog, you can now comment on old posts. Now if I could just get it to let you comment on the new posts... -Emily

Addicted

So for the last six days I have been a bachelor. Although, this time around it was not nearly as fun. Emily went out of town, but it wasn't anything like what I remember single life being. I once was a proud and independent young man. Of course back before I met Emily I lived with my best friends in a house that was always awake. I loved that time of my life but I always, even growing up, felt a little bit lonely to be just a bachelor. I know that Paul said it is better to not marry if you can but, if I'm honest, I don't think I was built for that.

I was 20 and perfectly content with my life, not feeling that I would care if I ever got married, and then SHE came along. She was sweet, cute, unashamedly wore her heart on her sleave, and could often just be a wreck. I liked her. So, to shorten things a bit, we got married and I love our marriage! So, she goes out of town for almost a week and I become a bored and much less useful man... How did that happen?!

Three months ago my grandmother died and a couple of weeks ago her husband followed. After she was gone he felt like he didn't have a purpose in life, so this perfectly healthy older man got shingles and died in his sleep a couple of nights later. It's amazing to hear of people dying of a broken heart. There have been books written on it by doctors and scientists. You should look it up. A woman will die on what would have been her husband's birthday or their anniversary.

My marriage changes me. I do things because I'm married that I would not do if I was single. When my wife leaves town I slump into withdrawal. I think it is safe to say that I'm addicted to my wife. So let's answer this question: is it OK to be addicted? Well, my marriage and my wife are certainly not sufficient to fill up my life. That infinite hole calls for an infinite God. If my wife were to die I would still have purpose, would still want people to know this God that fills me up.

Marriage was not created to fill me up, but to be a picture. The way I love my wife is supposed to be a picture to her of how Jesus loves her, and her job is to be my treasure. Our relationship is a little glimpse of the great love affair between God and us. He loves us and we are his treasure. So this is what I have decided while I've been writing this: I need to be more girlie. I need to know that my purpose in life is to be the Groom's treasure. So when Emily leaves for a day, or a week, or for good, my addiction will not get the best of me, even if I'm not willing to seek treatment.

Favorite Song: Please, Before I Go by Derek Webb
Favorite Food: Salad
Favorite place to practice dance moves: the kitchen (socks are helpful)

Exciting Things

Emily:


Wow! Can I say it again? WOW!

Last night I was flipping through a couple of books (The Complete Book of International Adoption by Dawn Davenport, and How to Adopt Internationally by Jean and Heino Erichsen) and I found that my assumption that I couldn't do anything to start working on our adoption until we had moved into a more permanent residence was wrong. I discovered the dossier.

Now, I'm not really 100% sure about what it is, or even if I'm pronouncing it correctly (I think it's something like "dos-ee-ay"), but my vague understanding is that a dossier is a compilation of paperwork. The wonderful part is that I have things to do now. For example, this morning I compiled the forms necessary to request 3 copies of our marriage license, both of our passports, some of my medical records, and 3 copies of each of our birth certificates. That last part was super tricky, since I was born abroad. I have an Italian birth certificate issued in Fiesole, Italy, an American Certification of Birth Abroad (FS-545) issued at the embassy in Milan, Italy, what I need is apparently called a Certification of Report of Birth Abroad (DS-1350), and the website just told me "Select the state in which you were born." HA!

I'm so excited to finally be doing something tangible to work toward finding our baby or babies. We've known for SO long that we wanted to make our family this way, but actually starting the process, actually doing what I've had so many dreams and conversations about is just the sweetest thing in the world! I think that part of me didn't even believe myself when I talked to people about how we wanted to adopt. It feels so good to follow-through with such big promises. Another part of it is that it seems like God is aligning our life to make it all possible, like He's validating that the passions I have are real, that they are good, and that He is going to give me a way to use them. That's super encouraging!!!

I know that this is a very long, difficult process, often full of unexpected discouragement. But I also know that my life will be what God wants it to be. For now, I just feel sweet encouragement and excitement.

Below are just some fun pictures taken with my new fancy camera, first with the sweet sweet Carpenters, then just of life in Wilmington.

Charlotte

Lily Kate

Graham and me

Wrightsville sound-side dock right by Little Chapel on the Boardwalk

Getting artsy with a quilt :)

My life with bedbugs :)

Danno

When my grandmother (MawMaw) died less than 3 months ago after a long fight with physical and mental illness no one knew what to say. We didn't remember the woman that we had grown up with, as she had been slowly beaten down by time. This Sunday morning when the curtain closed on the life of her husband we all knew what to say, we just didn't want to say it.

It's easy to remember him. It seems like he was just here, the same man he had always been. I walked through his house this morning; read his hand writing and sat in the seats he would have. It was Danno that bought a beach house for his family that I've slept in for twenty three summers. It was Danno that bought a house with a pool for his grandchildren, a pool I visited every summer of my youth. This is the man who I remember taking me as a kid to feed ducks, teaching me how to use a shoe horn, always slipping a candy into my hands, taking me to movies, and knowing my friends. I can't help, while thinking of the man who called me his best friend, that part of my life has ended.

I miss him because I knew him. You don't hate death until someone you know well is suddenly gone. I think Danno always hated death. In the movie Vanilla Sky the character David Ames asks "Isn’t that what being young is about, believing secretly that you would be the one person in the history of man that would live forever?" I think that thought may have been what shaped my Danno to be who he was. At times he was larger than life; jolly, searching for laughter, and always un-apologetically wanting to be a kid. He wanted for this to be Heaven.

We all find out that this is NOT Heaven, and we are comforted only by Jesus' words as Eugene Peterson translates John 12:24 "Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal." Isn't that the only way I can let go now? To know that the future holds life only because of what we lost yesterday; that Heaven is something we have to look forward to, not regret that we never found here?

I think, if Danno could talk to me right now it would be him saying Jesus' words this time: "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." He was right all along I guess. So when I'm sitting on Topsail beach, or bringing out the last Christmas present to see someone's face light up, or standing on my tip toes to wave down at my grandson when he graduates from high school, I will be a kid. I will be simple; I will trust. I stood on his back porch today and cried and said "I miss you Danno. I love you." We are his legacy. So when Kate and I drove home this morning singing "how great Though art" to God, we had to be simple and trust to do it. We are children and I think Danno would be happy.

Favorite food: Jelly
Favorite song: Fourth of July by Ben Shive

The Red Pill

(Above: my groomsmen. One of my favorite pictures ever with most of my favorite people ever)

Graham:


After some research, and my mom making a mortal enemy with a guy at Dick's Sporting Goods, we got a great kayak for dirt cheap to surprise my dad at Christmas. He had been wanting one for a long time and when all the presents had been opened at my parents house we looked at him and said "your last present is in the garage" to which he replied in unbelieving seriousness "is it really?" Walking to the garage in wonder, I imagine him wracking his brain for what it might be. Is it possible to awe a man with a gift who has himself purchased items such as the Wild Thing (a neon pink chainsaw that I sometimes use while screaming the oldie tune as if it were my own theme song, imagining the glory of Ricky Vaughn entering a rocking Indians stadium from the bull pen)? When he finally laid eyes on it he stared in disbelief, like a final box hidden behind an old chair with the exact likeness of a Red Rider bee bee gun. As he moved in closer he fidgeted with the features and smiled in child-likeness. Later he held back tears saying that he felt like a little kid again.

It's so good to feel like a kid; to feel taken care of. You don't realize until you're out of your parents' home how little you have ever taken care of yourself before. It's not until, in the midst of striving to succeed and still failing we realize how little we still take care of ourselves. The truth is, from my experience, all of us believe we are way more awesome than we actually are. I've recently been taken back to the memory that I do not have sufficient supplies to make it on my own. I cannot take credit for my home, food, clothes, job (yes, I just started working a job that I absolutely love!) friends, family, wife, health, thoughts, and even every breath. It is, for this very reason that I believe in, not only a God, but Jesus as God.

The holidays make you wish that everyone in the world, with whatever belief they have, could bind together and just try to love each other. Sounds awesome right? I would be "in", and have temporarily thought at times "why doesn't everyone do this?" Then I remember why: we live in a fallen world, people are selfish, and we do not possess self-sustaining love. The reason I am a Christian is that every other world belief (besides Judaism, which is a whole different blog post) says that if we just try harder, or could just balance our lives a little better, then we would be able to love well. Well, our personal and world history continue to prove that our trying and balancing are not enough. Scripture, in fact, says that we are all completely hopeless and need someone to save us from ourselves. That's why Jesus funneled Himself into a baby and lived a perfect life and then sacrificed Himself on the Cross...so when we believe the gospel we take on His awesomeness. Not only does this mean that God looks at believers and sees His Son (which it does, guaranteeing us Heaven) but it also means that those who believe in Jesus have Him living inside them AKA the Holy Spirit. It's kind of like in the Matrix where Morpheous offers Neo the Red pill or the Blue pill; once you take the Red pill there is no turning back, but you only explore deeper into the rabbit hole. Jesus' homey John Mark wrote in Mark 4:27 that it's like you swallowed a seed and "night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how." If you want to have life and love come out of you here is how: swallow the seed that is Jesus and let Him grow inside you. When I first saw Jesus as that unbelievable Christmas gift that was just for me I tore that package open and He has lived inside of me ever since, spurring me to love Him back. Booya! Isn't it awesome?! Wanna feel like a kid again? feel taken care of? feel alive? free? have goodness flow out of you that you know isn't of you? Open the gift with genuine belief in Jesus

Food - white chocolate Ritz cracker cookies
Song - Sarah Groves - Different Kinds of Happy
Fact - Radioactive decay on earth drives the convection of liquid iron surrounding earth's core, creating dynamo, which generates our magnetic field, which protects the atmosphere from radiation and solar winds