That's IT, we're DONE!!! Today we received our I-171H!! --Our officer at the USCIS office should win the award for government worker of the year, she went above and beyond, calling me and e-mailing with me until we got it done! If you ever read this, officer, thank you so much!-- We had to stalk the FedEx truck like crazy: we watched it's progress online, and one of us was posted at the apartment at all times until we received our package. But then we had some stuff notarized, and shipped off the last of the paperwork in our foreign dossier, to bring home our baby! Can you believe it?!?
It's been surreal to be getting so much closer to meeting our baby. In a way, it's still an amorphous idea of a baby in my mind, and I have a hard time feeling the deep feelings I know I'll have for it (it'll help when I don't have to call it an it, huh? :) ) one day, when I hold it in my arms. But in another way, I think the reality of/the magnitude of what we're about to do has started to sink in, and my mind is pretty much reeling from it 90% of the time. I though I'd share some of what I've been thinking about.
- Being a mother is going to be intense. I realized this on a deeper level this week, as I was keeping the two cuties above (aren't they sweet?) for a day and a half while their parents took a little time away. It was an absolute pleasure, cause I love these girls so much, but I did learn a lot. It made me understand that when I'm a mother, that'll be my biggest mission. You hear this all the time, but I feel like I finally felt it on my own, like I finally understood that mothers are valiant lone rangers in a lot of ways, on a quest that is of eternal value, but requires daily focus. Wow, I hadn't ever felt that.
- Are we equipped to parent a black child in a white home in the States? I had a minor freak out about it last week. Said freak-out included checking out 8 books from the library :) The truth is we don't really have many friends who are black, and really none of our closest friends are. Where we live is much more diverse than were we used to live, and that's part of why we moved here, but it's still no Atlanta, Chicago, or any other big major city. I began to feel really insecure about our ability to equip our baby for life as an African American, and really afraid that he/she might grow up to resent us for "getting in over our heads". But then, that's just what we're not supposed to do, huh? We're not supposed to be afraid, we're supposed to shatter the boundaries of love in this world. And plus, that was one of the major reasons we wanted to adopt in the first place:
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We have both individually felt compelled to adopt for multiple reasons. Firstly, we are very aware of the huge number of children in the world who need families, and we have a desire to love them and be that family. Secondly, we are passionate about the beauty of multi-racial families, and as we begin to form our family have decided that we would love to be one! And thirdly, we are compelled by our relationship with Jesus Christ, and the way He's loved us, to share sweetness and love with a world that needs it. James 1:27 specifically encourages us to take care of the orphaned, and we want to!"
I don't have to be afraid, cause the love of Christ washes over a multitude of harmful things the world might through at our kiddos, even from our direction. I can feel confident that teaching our children to find their identity in the love that God has for them, regardless of what color their skin is, is the best thing we can do for them. Sure, I'm gonna make a point to be continually celebrating different beautiful aspects of and admirable people in Ethiopian and African American culture, because I still think that's so important, but mostly I'll teach them who they are in the Lord, who they are to me, and then set them free into the world to live their life. I just want to give them the most the most solid, loving, secure, accepting foundation I can offer.
- I was watching a TV show the other day where one kid looked at another and said "you're adopted" like it was the worst thing in the world. C'mon, TV, why you gotta do that to kids?
- I'm gonna have to learn to wield my tongue wisely when people say things that are hurtful without thinking, or even intentionally. I've always been super sensitive to racist, or otherwise prejudiced or hurtful comments, but haven't quit developed the right way to respond. I generally just shudder and stare out the window, occasionally I'll say something, but it's inevitably abrupt and followed by awkward silence. For now, I suppose it's ok to bite my tongue, but when my sweet baby's old enough to hear and understand the hurtful undertones of the comments sometimes made by folks, I'm going to have to learn how to stand up for my baby with dignity, and care a little less about embarrassing the commenter. My Dad reassures me I'll know just what to say, cause I'll be a mother, and mother always know what to say. Thanks, Dad, you always know what to say :)
- More likely than not, our baby is an embryo now. It probably exists, or will very soon, somewhere in Ethiopia. What a precious thought, and what a weighty one. The beginning of our baby's life will have pain in it, and sadness, and loss. I've been thinking about that. I think that knowledge will live in my heart forever. I think it will cause me to look at our baby with more reverence.
our very last documents :)
