Okay, So, Big Stuff Around Here!!!

The end of January marked two years since we'd begun the process of adoption from Ethiopia, referrals were few and far between, and considering we had about 67 families in front of us, we knew we were now looking at a good 2-3 more years to finish the adoption, and longer than that for siblings. On that day we finally decided it was time to look at other options.

After a month of praying for clarity and leading, and researching 50 or so agency/country combos, we still weren't finding the right fit, it was all much too complicated... that is, until yesterday!!!

Yesterday the wonderful social worker who has performed our last two home studies emailed me and said she'd thought of us that afternoon when she heard that another agency was opening a couple of new programs in Africa. Well, it turns out that yesterday they launched a new program in Ghana, and because we found out when we did we had the opportunity to be the very first in line!!! So to Ghana we go!!! 

The extra great news is that it should be a much faster process because we're the first family, maybe 6 months?!?! That's just a guess, but it should be really fast!! And we're still adopting two young children, which is something we thought we'd have to give up on. We've heard good things, and are excited to work with our new agency. They've been bending over backwards to help us get our paperwork in order as fast as possible.

Praise the Lord for His amazing, mind-blowing provision!!! He is so good!!!

9 months

Yesterday was nine months on the wait list. Nine months. That's how long it takes to grow a baby!!! Here's the deal though, we're waiting for two kids, so we'll just keep on truckin' :)

Also, this is National Adoption Month, and this Sunday is National Orphan Sunday, which is super cool, seeing as there are way too many children in this world without families!!! See http://orphansunday.org/ for more details.


9 months unofficial wait list stats:
#50 overall (-3 families on hold)
#26 willing to accept siblings in our age range (-3 families on hold)
#16 specifically asking for siblings in our age range (-3 families on hold)

Sweet Poetry for Month Number 8

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                                  i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

                                                                 -by e e cummings

I have a fledgeling love of poetry. This one's a classic, and I love it because it strikes a chord in me that has something to do with how I feel about my husband and about our children, and in some ways about what goes on between God and man.

My friend is coming home from Ethiopia this weekend with her son!!! We've walked through this process together, meeting at first through the blog world, then developing a real face-to-face friendship, we've coached and commiserated, and helped each other maintain focus and perspective. I'm so excited to get to meet the little buddy soon!!! We've prayed for him so long :) Praise the Lord!!!

Our 8 months' waiting stats are much like our 7 months' waiting stats. A conference call a few days ago revealed that average wait times for a referral are around 16 months, and not likely to get shorter. So as is, if we end up waiting a total of only 16 months, then we're half way and we'll get a referral somewhere around May of next year. At the same time, we could get a call tomorrow or we could wait 2 more years, there are no certainties. God knows who our kids are, and He knows what's best.

Thanks to everyone who's been so supportive and encouraging along the way. You've acknowledged the weight of our wait, encouraged us, counseled us, sometimes cried with us, prayed for us, and even written songs for us... we're humbled and warmed by your love and support. We thank you and praise God!!!

Waitlist 2.0 = Double the pleasure, double the fun :)

Last week we had the last of our paperwork sent in and we were placed back on the WAIT LIST!!! Our new, adjusted wait list date is January 31, 2011. Basically, we take the 6ish months that we had been waiting when we went on hold, subtracted them from the date we got back on the wait list, and now will use that date to determine our place "in line" as we wait for our babies...

...wait a minute, did you catch that?!? 

That's right, people, I said  BABIES!!! We are now waiting for siblings!!! We're expecting 2 children under the age of 3, and since we've still left the gender question pretty open-ended, there are a lot of possibilities, so we'll have to wait and see who God has for us :)

You might be wondering how this all came about, or when/why we made the switch, so let me just tell you (because it's totally all about God's glory). When we were preparing to go on hold, we knew we'd have to redo a bunch of paperwork (insert sad trombone: wah, wah..) but on that evening, right before talking to our case worker, as we were driving to have a little getaway at the beach, it occurred to me.. that's the exact paperwork we'd need to re-do if we wanted to change our child preference profile. Eureka!!! Lightning had just struck my brain!! We already knew we wanted to adopt from Ethiopia more than once, why not just do it at the same time?!? And the moment I had that thought, and I shared it with my husband, it was all over :) We were like the Grinch, our hearts grew 2 sizes, we now had two children waiting for us in Ethiopia, and there was no looking back!!!

I'm suddenly reminded of this post that I wrote so long ago:

"But as we were walking out I asked him (very dramatically) if he ever felt like he just HAD to have everything we see that's from Ethiopia, and he very sweetly replied "Nope, I just need one thing from Ethiopia." "Or two," I said. "Or two," he replied. "Or three," I whispered. :)"

... little did we know!!!

All glory to God, who put us on hold for a moment, so the love in our home could increase for a lifetime!!! He knew what He was doing, he knew what we needed. He cares about us, and loves to give us good gifts. I will trust Him all the days of my life!!!


Unofficial Wait List Stats:
-56th overall (-4 families on hold, so really we're 52nd)
-27th of those open to siblings in the same age range as us (-3 families on hold, so really we're 24th)
-15th of those specifically asking for siblings in the same age range as us (-2 families on hold, so really we're 13th)
-The longest waiting families have been waiting 16 months for a referral, as opposed to the 7.5 months people were waiting when we first started the process, but this delay is in the name of higher ethical standards, and we fully support the Ethiopian government's new added precautions.

Home Study: Take 2

Because I promised my sister pictures of our new apartment, and because we have our home study update scheduled for Thursday, and because this is one of the last 2 things we need before we can get back on the wait list(!!!)... I present to you, our home, complete with the beginnings of a nursery :)

 

 My sisters have continued to send me flags for every month that we've been "waiting" since the original wait list date last June. Since we begin a new year this month, I get new fabrics :) Here's to getting wait listed in July and high hopes for this year!!!

Song for Today

Did you ever find a song that captured every thing you felt in that moment? Ever find in disbelief that absolutely every new lyric seemed to somehow spring out of your own heart just as much as it did from the artist? Today I found the song that sums up for me the last little bit of my life and walk with God.

Some days are hard, and some not. This one leaned towards the hard side. But still, as I was running this morning, a Sara Groves song came on my iPod that all at once captured the grit and hope that I've been feeling. It wasn't really a new song for me, I've listened to it for years, but today I really understood it and felt that it understood me. It's a song about hope, faith, joy, and perseverance. It's a song about the ways that God can heal your heart. And it meant a lot to me this morning. The song is called "Less Like Scars," and it's by Sara Groves. Here are a couple of quotes from it, in order of how I feel them:

"It’s been a hard year But I'm climbing out of the rubble" "Just a little while ago I couldn't feel the power or the hope I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing Just a little while back I was desperate, broken, laid out Hoping you would come" "And I feel you here And you're picking up the pieces Forever faithful" "And in your hands the pain and hurt look less like scars and more like character" "So every day it's... Less like tearing more like building Less like captive more like willing Less like breakdown more like surrender Less like haunting more like remember" "Less like a prison a prison more like my room it's Less like a casket more like a womb Less like dying more like transcending Less like fear, less like an ending"

This year

 A year ago today, we started this adoption. A YEAR!! High five, right?! that's a big milestone!!

This year in summation:

-The paperwork stage was intense, but strangely fun for me (giant dork)
-After paperwork, getting baby/nursery stuff ready has been one fun way for me to feel connected to our baby
-God has opened our hearts and minds to the needs of people all over the world, but mostly, that people need Him all over the world, and that we can help with that
-He's opened my heart to a desire to love on and help orphans find love and a home
-We love the beach, we love our family, we love encouraging music, our friends, Ethiopian anything :), baby things, Haiti, Modern Family, blogs and blog friends, Szechuan 132, and Harry Potter (but we already knew that)
-We're praying for our babe every day; that he/she'd be safe, warm, fed, clean, and played with, and that God would be near to them, that they would grow to love Him, and that He would give us wisdom to raise them well
-We're learning about trials and suffering and what it means to have joy and peace in the midst of all of it
-I'm getting super pumped about doing black baby hair!!!! I've started stocking up on some Carol's Daughter, I'm keeping my eye out for other good stuff

-We're praying every day that we can bring him/her home soon. Maybe this year...

On hold.

You might be wondering what it means that we're on hold. Well, basically because a large part of our income has unexpectedly ceased, we are no longer able to report the same financial numbers on our adoption paperwork and have therefore, after a lengthy conversation with our most wonderful case worker, been placed on hold until the situation is rectified. We are praying fervently that the Lord would bring us a good job, one that would be fulfilling and encouraging, and obviously one that would allow us to complete this adoption and BTBH (bring that baby home), as we affectionately like to say. Please pray for us, if you think of it. Once we have things in order, we'll be re-doing some paperwork so as to get back on that wait list asap, and we'll get to retain the 6 months and change that we've already spent on it.

On a personal note, it's been hard. I've pitched fits at God. Then I felt guilty for pitching fits (duh), considering that it's not like anyone died, and we're not starving, or cold, or alone or enduring anything like what most of the world is suffering through. After which I determined that my pain is still real even though it's not the worst pain the world has ever seen. That pain belongs to sweet Jesus, and after all, pain is not a race. I've now come back around to a place where i want to bring my pain to God again, and my supplications, and he has begun to soothe my hurting heart. Thank you D.G. for a well timed letter, thank you L.Y. for your 10 minutes on why you'd say no to the devil if he offered you everything you ever wanted, and thank you Betsie ten Boom, you were the bomb. You guys helped me when I needed help turning this heart around. I'm doing better now. I have peace. I know that I must have faith, and that my God is trustworthy. My life is all in His hands, even my desires to love on our baby.

In other news, today is Ethiopian Christmas, so Melkam Ganna, everybody!!! Hope you're enjoying some wat and injera on this fine evening :) If you wanted to learn more about Ethiopian Christmas traditions, just click here.

6 months waiting...

This book is one of the sweetest books I've ever read. It's by Scott Simon who hosts NPR's Weekend Edition, and in it he discusses his own experiences with and thoughts about about adoption (he has two daughters form China), as well as the experiences and thoughts of some of his friends. It's sweet, encouraging, thought provoking and full of love.

Stats:

We're #8 for girls, #7 for boys and #5 for either gender.

Please continue to pray for us, we'd love to bring this baby home by this summer, but we know that whatever God has for us is the absolute best thing.

5 months

Tomorrow makes 5 months on the waitlist.

Stats: we're #9 for a girl, #7 for a boy, #5 for either gender, and so #18 overall. Now, if all the either genders ahead of us are boys, that makes us #11 for boys and #9 for girls, but if they're all girls (not likely) that makes us #7 for boys and #13 for girls. The possibilities are endless... :)

In the mean time I got a part-time job at a book store, he's participating full-force in no-shave November, and we both spent the night at Chick-fil-a for 104 free sandwich coupons (don't be jealous!!).

It continues to be an uncertain time in our lives in some ways, which can make it hard to be very excited for fear of disappointed hopes, but we're praying and trusting. We're super thankful for all the friends that have and are gathering around us to pray and encourage. Y'all are the best :)

Barring any craziness, our baby is somewhere between a 4 month old fetus and 3.5 months old infant right now. So, somewhere in here:

 

(pictures randomly selected from a google search, and do not depict our actual child)

  That visual right there makes my heart ache to have our baby. It feels like "we're missing out" on part of his or her life. Part of me looks at these pictures and wants to hold him/her as soon as possible, but at the same time, it makes me think of our baby's birth mother, and what she must be going through. Nothing in me wants for her to have to give up her baby. Her emotional and/or physical pain I'm sure is beyond intense, and I pray intensely that my Lord, her maker, would draw near to her, comfort her, and show Himself to her.

4 months

Another month down!!! Hopefully 4 months means we're somewhere around half-way through the wait to see our baby. Yay! Right now we're #10 for girls, #8 for boys, and #5 for either gender, so that makes us #21. Not many referrals this month, and I'm trying to find out why that is, but for now there's nothing to do but be patient and trust.


It's been a little bit of a chaotic month, full of uncertainties, but I feel like we're pulling out of that into a period of being able to relax a little and just be excited about this baby. People tell you at the beginning of the process that no adoption story is straight forward, but that they are more often than not full of unexpected obstructions and stressors. I believe them now :)

Favorites:
-Lunch date with my blog-friend. We ate, we talked, we bonded, we drank some buna, and we laughed our butts off... it was amazing!
-I've started working with a teen mom program here in town. I LOVE it!!!! I love the girls, I love the babies, I love love love it!! Did I mention the babies?!?!
-I love Fall...

 Here's an assortment of pictures from the last little bit:

Summer Concert Series

 I was soooo sick on this day

photography sKylllz

My boy

This is a series of pics from Young Life's All Area Club:

It was awesome!!

Young Life pursues un-churched, lost high-school kids. All these kids are being loved on by college-aged Christians. All these kids heard the Gospel that night, and they do every week!!!

3 months

Three months waiting today!!! That means approximately 4.5-6.5 months left before we learn who our baby is. We're 8th on the unofficial list for boys, 11th for girls, 6th for either gender, and on some computer screens i don't even have to scroll to see our name anymore :) Sometimes the numbers fluctuate a little, showing us move up as people get referrals, and move down as people find out about the list and put their info in the mix, but we're slowly, steadily moving up! Can't wait!!! Also, we've been batting around the idea of going on the "first trip" and just staying until our baby's visa is ready (which if all goes well would be 3-6 weeks after the court date). I don't know what that would look like, since so far I only know of a couple of families that have done or plan to do it, but there are a lot of reasons why we'd want to, so we'll be investigating and we'll keep you posted. Yay for three moths down!!!

This month's favorites:
-Books:
1. When Helping Hurts: Alleviating Poverty Without Hurting the Poor.. and Ourselves - by Steve Corbett, Brian Fikkert and John Perkins  (I'm only like 2.5 chapters into it but so far so good)
2. Ethiopian Voices: Tsion's Life - by Stacy Bellaward (Children's book reccomended to me by a friend who lives in ET as an accurate and lovely representation of a typical child's life in ET)
3. Handbook on Thriving as an Adoptive Family: Real-Life Solutions to Common Challanges - by Dan and Renee Sanford (Lots of sweet and helpful stuff to say about attachment/bonding in infants and in older children)
- Touring local gardens
- The concept that life is not about me, but about God. - What?!?! - It's changed everything.
- Show Hope Foundation
- Coffee in the morning
- Good, long talks with friends, old and new :)

Beautiful Gardens and the Now

 

       It's funny how there's not much to say while you wait for a referral. People ask you excitedly what's new with the baby, and unfortunately there really is nothing to report. Life goes on. Brain space gets filled with other stuff: work, friends, life plans, dreams, thoughts. Soon. Soon I'll have pictures to share. Soon I'll get to enjoy, to absolutely explode in praises and thanksgiving over, the sweet snuggles and smells and giggles of our very own sweet baby. Soon, my life will change, drastically and forever. I feel caught in between two huge life stages, because even though I know that change is coming, I find myself still living in that pre-change era for a while. Some days I catch myself forgetting that I'm even waiting on something. The forgetting is easier emotionally than obsessing. Probably healthier in most respects. Today I feel like a woman, in my life, in my time with the Lord, in my marriage. Soon I'll feel like a mother, but I don't yet. I think that's okay.

2 Months...

We'll have officially been on the wait list for 2 months on this coming Monday (posting now, cause we'll be on vacation). It's getting harder, guys. It's hard to wait and miss someone you already love but you've never met, and then you feel ridiculous for thinking about it all the time, but it's all you want to think about, but it's sooo dang far away from ending, but at the same time it's close enough that you have "this time next year..." thoughts, and "she's more than likely pregnant," and "maybe just maybe he/she's born, but probably not," and the self-torture-cry-fest-other-people's-blog-reading, and I wish he/she were here to enjoy the beach with us... and on, and on, and always with the missing and the longing. Is this what it's like for you, Lord, missing and longing for your babies that you know are yours, but just aren't home quite yet? I never knew he loved me like this.

Well, there weren't many referrals in July, so we're all hoping for the list to move more in August, cause we all can't wait to meet our babies, and cause it means that more babies get families!!! To August!

Our place on the unofficial list:
#9 for boys
#11 for girls
#7 for either gender

ONE MONTH!!!

We've been on the wait list for our baby for a whole month today!!! YAAAYYY!!! Can you believe it?!? That means we probably only have like 6.5-9months to go until a referral :) WHAT?!?! That's crazy soon, right? right?

Plus, we found out this week that by the time we need to travel next year, we'll probably have built up enough sky-miles to award us 1 free round-trip ticket to Ethiopia!!! Can I get a "Whoop, whoop!" That's 1 down, 3.5 to go, folks :) Obviously, morale's pretty high around here!!

It's funny, since coming back from Haiti, I feel like I have a whole new perspective on life.

1) For starters, I have way less anxiety about adoption stuff and life in general. I think for the first time in my life I'm really learning what it means that I don't have to fret, worry, or be afraid of anything, because my Lord, my eternal Dad, is in charge of this whole sha-bang. How freeing is that?! He has all the money in the world, he cares about people and hurts over injustice way more than I do, He's never taken off guard by a need that anyone has, never scrambling to make things work out, He knows the end of the story, He's got this under control. All I have to do is just follow Him, and He'll take care of the rest. Yay!

2) Then I pair that with my new-found knowledge of the condition of the world; that America is just part of a much larger, painful picture, that all people are equally important to God and also equally broken, and that there's SUCH a need for help; for people who have (the Gospel and material resources) to help the rest of the world that is FULL of those who don't. There are so many children... too many children living in garbage dumps.

3) ...And what I get is a FIRE growing in my bones, as Sara Groves would say, to get out there and do something with the life He's given me!!!! I'm so excited to have a sense of purpose, to know how I want to serve the Lord, have found something I can't wait to pour my energy into!!! Don't know what it's gonna look like yet, but I'm excited!!!

But in the meanwhile, as we wait expectantly for our next big adventure, our sweeeeet baby, I compiled lists of Amharic names, from what I could find on the internet. The links below will open into a Google Doc and you should be able to edit them in case you know a name that's not on there, or maybe something's not quite right, cause I totally don't have any illusions that they're completely accurate. There are some really beautiful names like Salayish-"before I saw you", and some super sad names, like Masresha-"the one who helped us to forget". Hope you find them helpful, and enjoy reading them as much as I do!!! Oh, and I also found this other website with a pretty extensive list PLUS some pronunciations, sweet!

boy
girl



#25 (11 girls, 8 boys and 5 either genders ahead of us)

I like orange :)

Happy Sunday!!! Just a few fun things to share today:

1. This website's got me wanting a girl real bad today, it's got all sorts of braiding styles and hair-conditioning tips I can't WAIT to try :) (PS-there are a hundred things that make me want a boy too, so I don't feel bad sharing one in one direction)

2. I got my birthday present from my sisters last week. It made me cry like a crazy person right in front of our apartment mail room :) It's a banner that keeps track of the months we'll spend waiting for our baby. My sisters are going to send me one month's worth of flags in the mail every month until we get our baby home. Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever even conceived of in your mind?!?! I think it's perfect!! I'm so thankful...


3. I've been working on a little baby blanket for like 2.5 months, and it's finally finished!!! Yaaayyy!!! It's like 3ft by 3ft, just the right size for wrapping up and cuddlin' if you ask me :)

4. I've been looking on the blogs of people who have been going to meet their children recently, following the two-visit schedule, and it seems like they've been getting 3 one-hour visits with their children during the first week, not counting seeing them across the room in court, which may or may not be the last sighting of the trip. Blech. I'm starting to understand how difficult this process is going to be at the end, and it hurts my heart. I AM stoked about traveling twice to Ethiopia though. This week I bought a book to help me learn Amharic, which I do intend to do a good bit of, and we looked at a book that had some must-see spots in Ethiopia and we're now even more pumped if that's possible!!!

Furniture, friends and fun :)

Furniture- While he was in New York a couple of weeks ago, I refinished the dresser that's gonna go in our nursery, which I got a while ago at a garage sale for 10 bucks!!! I'm super pumped about how it turned out :)

Before:

After:


Friends- I had the pleasure of helping to coordinate one of my friends' wedding last weekend, and I have to say, it was so much fun. I didn't feel stressed at all. It was beautiful, quirky, personal, and just a total blast, not to mention that our sweet friends are MARRIED now!!! Yaaay!!!

The View

The beautiful Bride

Me and my best friend forever :)

Fun- You got any good/fun/creative ideas for how to celebrate/mark the time we spend in waiting for our babe??!!

Also, this rad painting I got in Haiti that I need to make a frame for!!!