The Red Pill

(Above: my groomsmen. One of my favorite pictures ever with most of my favorite people ever)


After some research, and my mom making a mortal enemy with a guy at Dick's Sporting Goods, we got a great kayak for dirt cheap to surprise my dad at Christmas. He had been wanting one for a long time and when all the presents had been opened at my parents house we looked at him and said "your last present is in the garage" to which he replied in unbelieving seriousness "is it really?" Walking to the garage in wonder, I imagine him wracking his brain for what it might be. Is it possible to awe a man with a gift who has himself purchased items such as the Wild Thing (a neon pink chainsaw that I sometimes use while screaming the oldie tune as if it were my own theme song, imagining the glory of Ricky Vaughn entering a rocking Indians stadium from the bull pen)? When he finally laid eyes on it he stared in disbelief, like a final box hidden behind an old chair with the exact likeness of a Red Rider bee bee gun. As he moved in closer he fidgeted with the features and smiled in child-likeness. Later he held back tears saying that he felt like a little kid again.

It's so good to feel like a kid; to feel taken care of. You don't realize until you're out of your parents' home how little you have ever taken care of yourself before. It's not until, in the midst of striving to succeed and still failing we realize how little we still take care of ourselves. The truth is, from my experience, all of us believe we are way more awesome than we actually are. I've recently been taken back to the memory that I do not have sufficient supplies to make it on my own. I cannot take credit for my home, food, clothes, job (yes, I just started working a job that I absolutely love!) friends, family, wife, health, thoughts, and even every breath. It is, for this very reason that I believe in, not only a God, but Jesus as God.

The holidays make you wish that everyone in the world, with whatever belief they have, could bind together and just try to love each other. Sounds awesome right? I would be "in", and have temporarily thought at times "why doesn't everyone do this?" Then I remember why: we live in a fallen world, people are selfish, and we do not possess self-sustaining love. The reason I am a Christian is that every other world belief (besides Judaism, which is a whole different blog post) says that if we just try harder, or could just balance our lives a little better, then we would be able to love well. Well, our personal and world history continue to prove that our trying and balancing are not enough. Scripture, in fact, says that we are all completely hopeless and need someone to save us from ourselves. That's why Jesus funneled Himself into a baby and lived a perfect life and then sacrificed Himself on the Cross...so when we believe the gospel we take on His awesomeness. Not only does this mean that God looks at believers and sees His Son (which it does, guaranteeing us Heaven) but it also means that those who believe in Jesus have Him living inside them AKA the Holy Spirit. It's kind of like in the Matrix where Morpheous offers Neo the Red pill or the Blue pill; once you take the Red pill there is no turning back, but you only explore deeper into the rabbit hole. Jesus' homey John Mark wrote in Mark 4:27 that it's like you swallowed a seed and "night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how." If you want to have life and love come out of you here is how: swallow the seed that is Jesus and let Him grow inside you. When I first saw Jesus as that unbelievable Christmas gift that was just for me I tore that package open and He has lived inside of me ever since, spurring me to love Him back. Booya! Isn't it awesome?! Wanna feel like a kid again? feel taken care of? feel alive? free? have goodness flow out of you that you know isn't of you? Open the gift with genuine belief in Jesus

Food - white chocolate Ritz cracker cookies
Song - Sarah Groves - Different Kinds of Happy
Fact - Radioactive decay on earth drives the convection of liquid iron surrounding earth's core, creating dynamo, which generates our magnetic field, which protects the atmosphere from radiation and solar winds

It's Christmas Eve for certain!!!!

Merry Christmas!! It feels so good just to say that. We've made so many new friends and done so many new things in the personal renaissance that has been our last 5 months here at the beach; I feel as though our whole life is a string of gatherings and merriment right now, which I love! One of my favorite festivities was going to a fashion show with my sweet girlfriends! I can't wait to go again next year, tailgate, drink some wassail, get some swag bags and raffle tickets, and critique a high fashion show like I'm on Project Runway!!!
But for some reason, despite all these festivities I haven't been feeling "in the Christmas spirit". I wished a couple of people a merry Christmas at the Young Life Christmas party, and that helped, but it was just for a second. I don't know if it's that my family's so far away, or if it's that the temperature was 72 degrees at one point last week, or if it's that, despite all their beauty and majesty, the pine and live oak trees have remained green as ever, leaving me fall-less, but I just wasn't feelin' it, you know?! Until... Andrew Peterson and friends came and filled this new place with a familiar Christmas wonder. "Behold the Lamb of God", I missed you ole' friend.
So now I'm fully into it. I'm thankful that music travels with me. I'm thankful for spanish moss and how much it reminds me of my sister's tinsel technique. I'm pumped to see my family and my sweet friends back home. I'm grateful for the exciting new life that will be waiting for us when we get back; it's more than I would ever have imagined. I'm so glad that my husbandhas a rockin' new job doing just exactly what he wants to do. And I'm ready to spend time thinking about what it means that Jesus came to earth, fulfilling the tons of prophecies that were written way before He was born, and saving my life, because He loves me.


Born in Bethlehem -Micah 5:2
of a virgin -Isaiah 7:14
a descendant of Abraham -Genesis 22:18
from the tribe of Judah -Genesis 49:10
from the house of David -2 Samuel 7:12-16

What now?

This picture is from the first time I ever went to visit my wife after we met. It's one of my favorites because Mrs. Landingham, the cat, who she can't stand, was in the perfect place for me to pick her up and be in the picture. She is looking up as if to say: "I own this picture"

So we have been playing the waiting game for some time now, wondering what to do next with our lives. Some answers have come up to the surface, but mostly there are still questions. Finding a job that fits what I want to do has been hard to do. The recurring unhealthy thoughts that go through my head are full of self pity or bitterness toward other people. Even when I try to take a step back and look at the situation through the eyes of my relationship with Jesus, I just end up saying "what are You doing?"

I think that people generally have a concept of what they want for their lives. In the end, on the last day, we have a way by which we think we'll be able to judge whether we have gotten what we wanted or not. Some just want to have experienced happiness or pleasure, others want to have been counted as "good" people, and some would only be satisfied if they had made a name for themselves in some way. I'm sure there are other things that might be considered important, but lately, for me, it has been just one thing: I want to be useful. This is why my cry to God recently has consistently been "don't waste me!" As I've been thinking about this I have realized that it is an almost comical request for a couple of reasons; two things I have forgotten:
The first is that God has already promised that He will take care of me. He takes care of the birds and flowers, and I'm more precious to Him than these. And the moment I ask God to prove His faithfulness to me, He already has. He is the Creator of everything, of all things good, of me and everything good in my life. He has made my life so full in Him, but if I still don't believe I only have to look at the Cross. God has already given the very best thing! He gave Himself (God!) as a substitute on the Cross for all who believe. How can I think that God will not take care of me and use me in small ways when He has already done so in the very best way? If you believe the gospel message is true, and I do for several reasons, then this is a pretty good argument: Romans 8:32. There is no more fear that He will only be good to me when I am good to Him. Isn't that our immediate thought after we do something bad? 'Oh, God is really going to have it out for me now.' Or our thought when something bad has just happened to us? 'Well, I guess I had it coming this time.' The truth is that we always have it coming, and deserve the worst %100 of the time. It is common grace that God gives us which allows us to breathe, smell, taste, laugh, and all of the other things that we love. But those who are believers in Jesus stand on higher ground. We have grace available to us, based not on our own merit, but on the merit of the very best; Jesus! I don't get what I give, but what He gave. Booya!

This leads me to the second reason demanding of God "Don't waste me!" is comical: it's the exact thing that God has been saying to me all my life! I have been given the standing that Jesus has with God; I am His son, heir to the throne, possessing full life. I once was a slave but now I'm free, and I was dead but have been made alive. So the real issue is not what God is doing or needs to do in my life; He has done the most important thing in the world, and He will continue to take care of me. The real issue is am I wasting His gift by worrying and acting as if it wasn't given? When I begin to remember God's infinite, personal, and fatherly love for me I start to remember that I'm not wasting away; He is doing something great in my life, and I have the option to trust that and start living for real. It's up to me to take hold of that thought and trust Him, to take off my grave clothes, and not keep acting like a slave. If I do that then I get to experience joy and peace while He takes care of the stuff He was going to do anyway.

Favorites of the week
Food: chocolate meringue pie
Song: electric feel
Fact: earth's large ocean allows lubrication for earth's plates and plate tectonics. This allows for carbon dioxide rock cycle, greenhouse effect, and steady temperatures in our atmosphere.

C-of-C i love it! i love it! i love it!

So the Heels just had their first scrimmage last night and the Cougs have their first today. It was only a matter of time before the greatest picture EVER got released to this blog (All the best CofC fans in one place.)

If my left arm had been turned in a little it would have looked like my arms barely got over my head even when holding them straight up. Let's be honest: people already wonder that.

I decided I would write about two things this week: 1 - a picture of my sinful habits and 2 - a little about my family life the last two weeks with my grandmother (MawMaw) passing away.

1 - We crashed the college church lunch last Sunday to be with some of our YL leader friends and to score some free pot roast. I planned on not really talking to anyone so as to not give myself away, but this one guy introduced himself to me and started asking me about myself (dang you nice people!!!). So naturally I started lying. I am still a Comm major with a Psych minor, but I'm actually a senior at UNCW now. Bet none of ya'll knew that. So, of course, my wife comes up right after my lie, not knowing what a loser I have been, and introduces herself and me with truthful information. Busted! All this was followed by my silence and a speedy walk away after scooping some mashed potatoes on my plate. I kind of had to laugh at myself afterward just to avoid puking due to my grossness. I think I used to be somewhat of a compulsive lier/embellisher, but haven't really seen myself there for a while. I mean, I was no less perfect after lying than I was before the lie. Telling the truth wouldn't have made me a better person or qualified by my actions for more love from God. I think I identify daily with Paul when he calls himself the worst of sinners. Thank God that I am not made righteous by anything that I do. I forget that pretty easily, because people aren't like God; I'm not like God.

2 - It's been a real tough last few years with my MawMaw being sick for my whole family, and mostly for my grandfather (Danno) and my Mom. The past two weeks have definitely been a time of thinking "what the heck was that all about?" I got to talk at MawMaw's funeral about how grandparents always make you feel like a treasure; how I could never do wrong in the eyes of my MawMaw. Through that kind of love I developed a jealousy, loving her back because I was hers and I wanted her to be mine. So even when loving her in the later years was uncomfortable, I wanted to. In the 13th chapter of Matthew's gospel account Jesus says that a man found a treasure in a field and went and sold all he had to buy the field so he could have the treasure. The man he was talking about was himself; He gave all He had on the Cross, and we are the treasure. So we get to love the One back who loves us like the treasure we are to Him. The love He gave was uncomfortable and hard; harder than a parent or grandparent's love. That's what I feel like my MawMaw's life points to. But how do we, at the end of things say: "I am His and He is mine"? Most people, if they believe in Heaven, would still say something like "I'll try to do my best to get to Heaven." Man, how crappy is that!? The Man has payed all He had to buy the field, and the Treasure doesn't even know that He can say back "I belong to you." How does one belong to God? Scripture repeatedly tells us that the answer is simply "believe." It changes our whole lives. We become jealous for His love when we believe, and we start to love Him back. But even on days when we don't, when we tell people bold faced lies, we still lay safe in His pocket, because we have believed. I may be a loser with sinful habits occasionally surfacing on the day I die, but I'm goin' to Heaven people! Count on it.

Weekly favorites:

- Food: Orangeade

- Song: "Don't Give Up on Me" by Andrew Peterson

- Fact: The moon is 400x closer and 400x smaller than the Sun, making for a perfect Solar eclipse, and allowing us to study specific things about the universe. From this we have learned about spectra of stars, that gravity bends light, Earth's rotation changes, and have been able to date ancient calendars.

"Beth, this isn't a blog post, it's a recipe"

Fall festivities have been so much fun this year! We've found so many sweet friends here, and have enjoyed all the parties we get to go to! We had a pumpkin party a couple of weeks ago, which was awesome, and I brought a Pumpkin Chocolate Chip cake (inspired by PC muffins at Fido in Nashville with my sisters!) that was off the chain if I do say so myself, so I wanted to share it with the world!
PC Cake

1 pkg. yellow cake mix
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1/4 tsp. ground ginger
1/4 tsp. ground cloves
2 eggs
1/4 c. water
1 (16 oz.) can pumpkin
1 (16 oz.) pkg. chocolate chips

Blend cake mix with dry ingredients. Mix in eggs, water and pumpkin. Stir in chocolate chips. Pour into greased and floured 10 inch bundt pan. Bake 350 degrees 45 minutes or until cake tests done. Cool on rack 10 minutes. Remove from pan and cool completely. Mix glaze and drizzle over cake.

Glaze:

1 c. powdered sugar
2 tbsp. milk


Continuing the festivities, we had the best Halloween of my life! Here are some pictures for you to share in the fun:

Captain James Hook and Peter Pan!
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(Dorothy and the cowardly lion and prom dates)
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(a cowgirl and a present)

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(a sailor?)
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Thanks for all the parties everyone! Wish I had gotten more pictures, especially of the hosts (who was entirely green) and of Kevin Bacon :) Next one's on us when we get a house!

Woggles

Woggles are creatures that magnify some basic human qualities; maybe the most significant of which is forgetfulness. I don't mean forgetfulness in a general sense. We all know people who have memorized languages, statistics, and literature to the extent of deeming them genius. So humans are not forgetful, generally, but we certainly are where it counts. The forgetfulness in humans, that is mirrored and magnified in woggles, is a forgetfulness of the basic things that are both important and true. The forgetting of these things is the root of our depression, confusion, distrust, and overall hurt. I have already experienced all of those things today and if there is any way that I can start to remember again, and I believe there is, then I think it is worth exploring. So here you will get both my forgetting and remembering, and hopefully lots of both ugliness and redemption will come to the surface.

I visited my parents this past weekend and it's such a fun feeling to go home. I guess it's not really my home anymore, but it was for a very large portion of my life and it still feels like it is. The smells from driving through the neighborhood, opening the front door, letting air come through a cracked window at night, pillows that smell like my parents, they are all familiar. It's a very comfortable feeling and my comfort turns into laziness very quickly there. This kind of laziness starts physically, with me just laying around. I might linger at the pantry or fridge, but mostly I'll stay on the couch, watching cable, which I don't have, and being served food. Soon after, I will start becoming emotionally lazy. I will not be considerate of people, or pay attention to those around me. I will begin to expect to be served, feel entitled to these comforts, and complain when I don't get them anymore. My wife, will call me out when I do this, and I have no refute, because I know it's absolutely true. I do this in other things in my life as well; namely video games, which is why I don't have a gaming system. I have regressed to the days when I would sit in my PJs all day, watch the Thundercats, and sip on Minute Maid Orange Juice boxes. Not that those days weren't phenomenal, but in the sensored words of the kings of comedy "I'm a grown -- man," and it's not time for me to be childish anymore, unless I'm playing fantasy football, in which case I always have the excuse of it being the primary way of keeping in touch with my friends...or watching UNC basketball...or maybe just one or two other things.

How did I, among great smells, food, family, and cable TV, become a creature of visibly destructive habits? Well, I haven't remembered that I'm not really home yet. This season of my life has stretched me into trusting God in places where I just haven't before. Part of that has been realizing that this place is not meant to be my home. The great thing about living in a fallen world is that you long for something more. Upon believing in Jesus, and having His Spirit come live inside me, I have a citizenship in a heaven: But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ(Philippians 3:20). The cool thought about Heaven, for me, is that I will be completely at home there, but comfort is not what will make it home. The presence of God is what makes Heaven what it is. I won't even be chillin on a cloud and watching UNC basketball on a couch, but constantly worshiping God, and that is what is going to make it completely awesome. Crazy thought that worshiping someone other than me could feel like anything other than slavery. The logical proof from my life that makes me believe this is a worthwhile thought is that at the end of a day spent in comfort, not doing anything, and being self serving, I'm not well rested or satisfied. Believing in Jesus, I remember that my place of satisfaction and rest is a place of thankfulness and being a willing servant to God. I'm not a forced servant, but I serve him because I love Him, like I would for a friend or for Emily. I get to look forward to that place that will be complete life away from the hurt of this world, but I don't have to wait until Heaven to start to get the benefits of Home. Thankfulness and servant hood to God bring that homey feel. They are spiritual fried okra. I'm slowly starting to remember that more.

Week Favorites:
Food - fudge chocolate cake with chocolate chips
Song - Rock of Ages...Chris Rice version, though Sandra McCrackhead's is the best
Dancer - the guy who dances with the Little Ceaser's sign. Same moves, but always impressive
Fact - If gravity was 1/10,000,billion,billion,billionth stronger then all the mountains on Earth would be crushed, creating a water world, along with every animal being crushed

Helloo out there!

This has been the craziest summer ever! We moved to the beach, which we love! We're not really sure why everyone doesn't live at the beach, it's the coolest. But in all of that beachin' we didn't want to lose touch with you, friends. And most of all, we didn't want YOU to lose track of US, because, then your life might just be an empty hole of despair :) So.... here's our blog. So far I think it rocks, and I hope you do too.
We're doing pretty well here. We have an apartment, and we sleep on a real bed, and I have a job so we're eating and everything. We have found the sweetest community here, and we really feel like this is where we're supposed to be. Yay! If you pray for us, please pray that we would continue to trust God with everything, and have confidence that He is able, that He loves us, and that His plan is the best thing, cause we're waiting to see what's gonna happen with our lives. We'd like to start a family soon, to find jobs we can love, and we're living a little bit like vagabonds (though we are getting a dining room table and chairs from friends!!) Thanks!
If you're reading this, we love you! and we miss you! and we'll be home for Christmas!!!