On moving, orientation, seeing babies, birthmothers, and my husband.

Sorry for the long delay in blogging, but I didn't feel like writing until I had something to write about. So here it all comes:

Yesterday we moved!!!! Yaaaayyy!!! It has been the biggest hindrance to our adoption so far, and I’m so so glad it’s OVER! Our new apartment is lovely, it’s clean and it smells good. We have a gym, which I couldn’t be more excited about, and indoor and outdoor pools, with hot tub!!! Y’all we’ve moved up in the world : ) Many thanks to our friends for all their help! Now we're just praying for someone to come and take over our lease for the old apartment.

ALSO, today I had a phone orientation with my agency contact!! So much information gained, so many questions answered, so much excitement all around!!! Seriously, the staff has been nothing but helpful and excited with me!

The next step was to send in my request for application and the application fee, which I did very promptly, and promptly an application was delivered to my inbox! Now, you KNOW that's all I'm gonna be doing tonight!!! This is so fun. Sorry for the play-by-play, but I just can't help my excitement :)

Other than that, today I was in a cell phone store, and a woman came in with a tiny crying baby in it's car seat, and my heart just ached! I always imagined that pregnant women must feel excited when they see other babies, I thought that they'd just be pumped by the reminder of what's to come. I didn't realize how strong my emotions would be, being myself a sort of pregnant. Seeing that sweet baby, and even hearing it cry made me long for my baby so much. I felt like telling that mom "hey, me too! I'm gonna be in the secret mom club soon!" It did, it made me SO excited to hold my own sweet little one. That day is coming, and it's gonna be AWESOME.

As I think about and pray for my baby every day, knowing that it's probably growing away in a womb somewhere in Ethiopia, I've also had my baby's birth mother on my mind. I've given her a secret name until I find out her real one. A name that I lovingly use for her as I talk to the Lord about her. It helps me feel how real she is, it helps me love her better. I bet she's having a really hard time right now... sweet girl, I wish I could hold your hand. I wish I could help you. You're on my mind all the time...

Daddy

The boy who never wanted to grow up ended up doing so by choice in the end. When he was in his forties his nemesis kidnapped his children and took them to a place that Peter couldn't remember. Not only didn't he remember where it was, but he forgot that he himself was from there; that it was a timeless place with timeless people and endless adventure. None of the lost boys or pirates understood why anyone would have wanted to leave Neverland in the first place, all wondering what would make the boy that defined it depart. And when Peter finally went back to Neverland he forgot about his present life and started to wonder the same thing... Until one day, standing in a hideout carved out of the inside of a tree, holding an old teddy bear, he finally remembered: Peter Pan left Neverland and grew up...because he wanted to have a kid; his son was his happy thought.

I didn't get to choose to grow up. Most of my life, and even in moments of forgetfulness now, I haven't wanted to. I have gray hairs now, past my physical prime... soon to purchase an ear and nose hair trimmer. But if I had chosen to grow up, like Peter chose, I think it would have been good to settle on the same reason. Of course I have gained so much in growing up: a relationship with the Living God, a marriage with my favorite person, true friends; happy thoughts. So why, as everyone should probably ask themselves if considering doing so, should I have a kid?

A kid will not fulfill my life. I have no false notions that I will be the perfect dad, able to raise a family without mistakes. They will not be able to make up for my sinful habits, or shortcomings, or be a better version of me. In fact, they will probably be a lot like me. They will have sin: pride, lust, jealousy, doubt, etc. I can never make them believe anything, or will their adult life to be a certain way. The world might chew them up and spit them out.

I think that there must be a goal for having a kid; something to say about it other than "that's just what you do." The seemingly bad news that they and I will not be perfect is also the good news that they and I don't have to be perfect. I hope I can remember that when they do something that I'm pridefully appalled by, and I hope they can remember the same when I do a bad job of being a dad and have to go to them and ask forgiveness. I want my kid to be themselves, limits coming into play at hitting people, lying, playing with hand guns, snorting cocaine, etc. I want them to know Jesus, because I want them to have life and be their true selves. Frustratingly enough, I can't force any of this. I can create rules and habits, of which there will be a few, but in the end they will be the man or woman they choose to be. So here is all I can do: love them... visibly... unconditionally, when they've gone past the limits. I have the task of painting them a picture of what their Heavenly Father is like, so they might know Him and live. That's why I'm going to have a kid: to love them well. So they can know that they are my happy thought. Simple.

We ARE adopting!!!!

So, funny story, the last post I wrote was about how excited I was that I had found stuff I could be working on toward our eventual adoption while we waited for our life to calm down enough so we could decide what our plan was. I thought I was just getting a head start, and that someday, far off in the future we'd adopt. HOWEVER...

Last week we went out to a fancy dinner and made the decision that we're ready to pursue adoption, like NOW! We've spent the last week telling our family and close friends, and that's been really sweet. I don't think it's really sunk in yet, but at the same time it's all I can think about. Have I mentioned...

We're going to be adopting a sweet baby (12months or less) from the BEAUTIMUS land of ETHIOPIA!!!! And we're so excited, we can't wait!

"Why Ethiopia?" you might ask. Well, let me just tell ya... we both just feel our hearts drawn over seas, especially after reading books like Field of the Fatherless by Tom Davis, and There's No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene, and after learning so much about the world through Compassion International. As for the specific country, a friend of mine who has adopted internationally shared with me that as she and her husband were considering this for themselves, they asked themselves what culture they were most drawn to. After all, this culture's gonna be a celebrated part of your home for the rest of your life. For us that narrowed the search to the continent of Africa. And to be perfectly honest we weren't very well educated about the similarities and differences in its individual countries in terms of culture, socio-economic status, or really anything. So from there we began our search, investigating geography and economics, scouring agencies and programs and prerequisites, until we landed on Ethiopia. This last part of the decision seems really technical, but as we started investigating, we found that it's an ancient, beautiful country, rich in history and tradition, but it also faces the daily struggles of poverty, disease, and famine. We feel both inspired by the beauty of Ethiopian culture, and compelled to reach out to it. They call it the cradle of life, it's people the lost tribe of Israel. Archaeologists and theologians (my dad included) speculate that the arc of the covenant might be hidden in Ethiopia. They have beautiful legends of a dynasty of great rulers descended from a secret union between king Solomon and the famed Queen of Sheba (which I'm finding out may really be accurate). I mean, how much cooler can you get!?!?! Ethiopia's been in our hearts for over 2 years now, we just knew that that's where our baby was gonna be. Now we get to go find it!!!!

If you think of us when you're praying: (I'm anticipating this might need to be a recurring section in our blog) We've hit roadblock number 1. We need to get out of our apartment. It's not fit for a baby, and most likely wouldn't pass a home study. We have a couple of options, but it's a tricky, wait it out sort of thing, and that's hard. Please pray for us.

Below is a picture of the sweetest children's book I've found that deals with the subject of adoption. It's called A Mother for Choco, and as my sweet cousin would say "It's the best!" Does anyone have any sweet books they'd recommend?

Addicted

So for the last six days I have been a bachelor. Although, this time around it was not nearly as fun. My wife went out of town, but it wasn't anything like what I remember single life being. I once was a proud and independent young man. Of course back before I met her I lived with my best friends in a house that was always awake. I loved that time of my life but I always, even growing up, felt a little bit lonely to be just a bachelor. I know that Paul said it is better to not marry if you can but, if I'm honest, I don't think I was built for that.

I was 20 and perfectly content with my life, not feeling that I would care if I ever got married, and then SHE came along. She was sweet, cute, unashamedly wore her heart on her sleave, and could often just be a wreck. I liked her. So, to shorten things a bit, we got married and I love our marriage! So, she goes out of town for almost a week and I become a bored and much less useful man... How did that happen?!

Three months ago my grandmother died and a couple of weeks ago her husband followed. After she was gone he felt like he didn't have a purpose in life, so this perfectly healthy older man got shingles and died in his sleep a couple of nights later. It's amazing to hear of people dying of a broken heart. There have been books written on it by doctors and scientists. You should look it up. A woman will die on what would have been her husband's birthday or their anniversary.

My marriage changes me. I do things because I'm married that I would not do if I was single. When my wife leaves town I slump into withdrawal. I think it is safe to say that I'm addicted to my wife. So let's answer this question: is it OK to be addicted? Well, my marriage and my wife are certainly not sufficient to fill up my life. That infinite hole calls for an infinite God. If my wife were to die I would still have purpose, would still want people to know this God that fills me up.

Marriage was not created to fill me up, but to be a picture. The way I love my wife is supposed to be a picture to her of how Jesus loves her, and her job is to be my treasure. Our relationship is a little glimpse of the great love affair between God and us. He loves us and we are his treasure. So this is what I have decided while I've been writing this: I need to be more girlie. I need to know that my purpose in life is to be the Groom's treasure. So when my wife leaves for a day, or a week, or for good, my addiction will not get the best of me, even if I'm not willing to seek treatment.

Favorite Song: Please, Before I Go by Derek Webb
Favorite Food: Salad
Favorite place to practice dance moves: the kitchen (socks are helpful)