What now?

This picture is from the first time I ever went to visit my wife after we met. It's one of my favorites because Mrs. Landingham, the cat, who she can't stand, was in the perfect place for me to pick her up and be in the picture. She is looking up as if to say: "I own this picture"

So we have been playing the waiting game for some time now, wondering what to do next with our lives. Some answers have come up to the surface, but mostly there are still questions. Finding a job that fits what I want to do has been hard to do. The recurring unhealthy thoughts that go through my head are full of self pity or bitterness toward other people. Even when I try to take a step back and look at the situation through the eyes of my relationship with Jesus, I just end up saying "what are You doing?"

I think that people generally have a concept of what they want for their lives. In the end, on the last day, we have a way by which we think we'll be able to judge whether we have gotten what we wanted or not. Some just want to have experienced happiness or pleasure, others want to have been counted as "good" people, and some would only be satisfied if they had made a name for themselves in some way. I'm sure there are other things that might be considered important, but lately, for me, it has been just one thing: I want to be useful. This is why my cry to God recently has consistently been "don't waste me!" As I've been thinking about this I have realized that it is an almost comical request for a couple of reasons; two things I have forgotten:
The first is that God has already promised that He will take care of me. He takes care of the birds and flowers, and I'm more precious to Him than these. And the moment I ask God to prove His faithfulness to me, He already has. He is the Creator of everything, of all things good, of me and everything good in my life. He has made my life so full in Him, but if I still don't believe I only have to look at the Cross. God has already given the very best thing! He gave Himself (God!) as a substitute on the Cross for all who believe. How can I think that God will not take care of me and use me in small ways when He has already done so in the very best way? If you believe the gospel message is true, and I do for several reasons, then this is a pretty good argument: Romans 8:32. There is no more fear that He will only be good to me when I am good to Him. Isn't that our immediate thought after we do something bad? 'Oh, God is really going to have it out for me now.' Or our thought when something bad has just happened to us? 'Well, I guess I had it coming this time.' The truth is that we always have it coming, and deserve the worst %100 of the time. It is common grace that God gives us which allows us to breathe, smell, taste, laugh, and all of the other things that we love. But those who are believers in Jesus stand on higher ground. We have grace available to us, based not on our own merit, but on the merit of the very best; Jesus! I don't get what I give, but what He gave. Booya!

This leads me to the second reason demanding of God "Don't waste me!" is comical: it's the exact thing that God has been saying to me all my life! I have been given the standing that Jesus has with God; I am His son, heir to the throne, possessing full life. I once was a slave but now I'm free, and I was dead but have been made alive. So the real issue is not what God is doing or needs to do in my life; He has done the most important thing in the world, and He will continue to take care of me. The real issue is am I wasting His gift by worrying and acting as if it wasn't given? When I begin to remember God's infinite, personal, and fatherly love for me I start to remember that I'm not wasting away; He is doing something great in my life, and I have the option to trust that and start living for real. It's up to me to take hold of that thought and trust Him, to take off my grave clothes, and not keep acting like a slave. If I do that then I get to experience joy and peace while He takes care of the stuff He was going to do anyway.

Favorites of the week
Food: chocolate meringue pie
Song: electric feel
Fact: earth's large ocean allows lubrication for earth's plates and plate tectonics. This allows for carbon dioxide rock cycle, greenhouse effect, and steady temperatures in our atmosphere.