Okay, So, Big Stuff Around Here!!!

The end of January marked two years since we'd begun the process of adoption from Ethiopia, referrals were few and far between, and considering we had about 67 families in front of us, we knew we were now looking at a good 2-3 more years to finish the adoption, and longer than that for siblings. On that day we finally decided it was time to look at other options.

After a month of praying for clarity and leading, and researching 50 or so agency/country combos, we still weren't finding the right fit, it was all much too complicated... that is, until yesterday!!!

Yesterday the wonderful social worker who has performed our last two home studies emailed me and said she'd thought of us that afternoon when she heard that another agency was opening a couple of new programs in Africa. Well, it turns out that yesterday they launched a new program in Ghana, and because we found out when we did we had the opportunity to be the very first in line!!! So to Ghana we go!!! 

The extra great news is that it should be a much faster process because we're the first family, maybe 6 months?!?! That's just a guess, but it should be really fast!! And we're still adopting two young children, which is something we thought we'd have to give up on. We've heard good things, and are excited to work with our new agency. They've been bending over backwards to help us get our paperwork in order as fast as possible.

Praise the Lord for His amazing, mind-blowing provision!!! He is so good!!!

The Measure of a Man

Him:

Three years ago I was in Memphis riding in the back seat of a car when somebody pointed to a passing hotel and stated "that's where Martin Luther King got shot." Most of what I learned about the man was taken in during my junior high years. I know at the time of his assassination he was 39, but if he was alive now he would be about the same age as my grandfather. I used to associate him with other leaders of the Civil Rights movement like Malcolm-X, but even as a boy I knew there was something different about Dr.King.

As I've gotten older and walked with Jesus longer it becomes more and more important to me to be used by God during my very short life. So I've been asking the question: what happens when the choice is presented between saving your own skin and being courageous enough to really live? Will I choose to do what is hard? What will spur me to do so? Who has done it before me? So I started looking for people like this; I started reading about people like Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Joni Eareckson Tada, Nate Saint, etc......and Martin Luther King Jr.

"MLK loved Jesus?!" is a question that someone exclaimed to me in the last month. Yes!!! The problem is the history we have on the guy is all told in backwards order, and all the facts are separated. What kids learn about him today is 1st I get out of school for his holiday, 2nd there are tons of things named after him and he gave a speech called "I have a dream", 3rd he was the leading face of the Civil Rights Movement using non-violent protests against discrimination and won the Nobel Peace Prize for it, 4th when digging deep you can find he was an adulterer and sinner, 5th you might hear that he was a preacher, and Lastly if you're lucky you might deduce from all of this that MLK loved Jesus. There are many books about this guy with all the facts I just stated, but none that I've found that put the pieces together.

On the other side, a high school kid proclaimed to me last week "Hitler was a christian", which is a conclusion he had jumped to simply because Hitler had quoted scripture, Luther, and had started up under the banner of the German church by manipulation. It's sad to have the facts backwards because then we lose the root of the life or death that is flowing out of people. Death flowed out of Hitler because his priority was self. Life flowed out of King because he loved Jesus, got alone with Him, got vision from Him, and then could not let fear overcome the life that the living God was offering. So he became a preacher, and said true things that no one else would say, and put his life on the line, and became the face of a movement for freedom, and was martyred and has things named after him now.

All this stuff gets twisted up because it's easy to see he was a sinner, and it's easy to say his methods were just different from a guy like Malcolm-X, and it's easy to think that he was just concerned about changing society; but that's not how you measure a man. He helped bring life to a dead culture, and was heroic, because he was a missionary, because he loved Jesus. Loving Jesus is the measure of a man because it makes him justified and changes his bent toward God and away from self. I watched "Fiddler on the Roof" for the first time last week and fell in love with the main character Tevye, as he talked with God and tried to figure out which was more important: tradition in a Jewish community or love. In the end, when his youngest daughter has just done the forbidden by marrying a Gentile, Tevye breaks and mumbles "May God bless you" to the surprise of all. He just can't help it. There are real people in history and all across the world today who are doing the scary, hard, and dangerous things because they love Jesus and walk closely with Him, and I need to know they exist so I can know it's OK to be courageous and let God use me.

Sweet Poetry for Month Number 8

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                                  i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

                                                                 -by e e cummings

I have a fledgeling love of poetry. This one's a classic, and I love it because it strikes a chord in me that has something to do with how I feel about my husband and about our children, and in some ways about what goes on between God and man.

My friend is coming home from Ethiopia this weekend with her son!!! We've walked through this process together, meeting at first through the blog world, then developing a real face-to-face friendship, we've coached and commiserated, and helped each other maintain focus and perspective. I'm so excited to get to meet the little buddy soon!!! We've prayed for him so long :) Praise the Lord!!!

Our 8 months' waiting stats are much like our 7 months' waiting stats. A conference call a few days ago revealed that average wait times for a referral are around 16 months, and not likely to get shorter. So as is, if we end up waiting a total of only 16 months, then we're half way and we'll get a referral somewhere around May of next year. At the same time, we could get a call tomorrow or we could wait 2 more years, there are no certainties. God knows who our kids are, and He knows what's best.

Thanks to everyone who's been so supportive and encouraging along the way. You've acknowledged the weight of our wait, encouraged us, counseled us, sometimes cried with us, prayed for us, and even written songs for us... we're humbled and warmed by your love and support. We thank you and praise God!!!

Waitlist 2.0 = Double the pleasure, double the fun :)

Last week we had the last of our paperwork sent in and we were placed back on the WAIT LIST!!! Our new, adjusted wait list date is January 31, 2011. Basically, we take the 6ish months that we had been waiting when we went on hold, subtracted them from the date we got back on the wait list, and now will use that date to determine our place "in line" as we wait for our babies...

...wait a minute, did you catch that?!? 

That's right, people, I said  BABIES!!! We are now waiting for siblings!!! We're expecting 2 children under the age of 3, and since we've still left the gender question pretty open-ended, there are a lot of possibilities, so we'll have to wait and see who God has for us :)

You might be wondering how this all came about, or when/why we made the switch, so let me just tell you (because it's totally all about God's glory). When we were preparing to go on hold, we knew we'd have to redo a bunch of paperwork (insert sad trombone: wah, wah..) but on that evening, right before talking to our case worker, as we were driving to have a little getaway at the beach, it occurred to me.. that's the exact paperwork we'd need to re-do if we wanted to change our child preference profile. Eureka!!! Lightning had just struck my brain!! We already knew we wanted to adopt from Ethiopia more than once, why not just do it at the same time?!? And the moment I had that thought, and I shared it with my husband, it was all over :) We were like the Grinch, our hearts grew 2 sizes, we now had two children waiting for us in Ethiopia, and there was no looking back!!!

I'm suddenly reminded of this post that I wrote so long ago:

"But as we were walking out I asked him (very dramatically) if he ever felt like he just HAD to have everything we see that's from Ethiopia, and he very sweetly replied "Nope, I just need one thing from Ethiopia." "Or two," I said. "Or two," he replied. "Or three," I whispered. :)"

... little did we know!!!

All glory to God, who put us on hold for a moment, so the love in our home could increase for a lifetime!!! He knew what He was doing, he knew what we needed. He cares about us, and loves to give us good gifts. I will trust Him all the days of my life!!!


Unofficial Wait List Stats:
-56th overall (-4 families on hold, so really we're 52nd)
-27th of those open to siblings in the same age range as us (-3 families on hold, so really we're 24th)
-15th of those specifically asking for siblings in the same age range as us (-2 families on hold, so really we're 13th)
-The longest waiting families have been waiting 16 months for a referral, as opposed to the 7.5 months people were waiting when we first started the process, but this delay is in the name of higher ethical standards, and we fully support the Ethiopian government's new added precautions.

Where I've Been

Last week I went to Young Lives Camp at Lake Champion with 5 girls, 3 babies, 2 other mentors, and a volunteer driver! It was AWESOME!!! Young Lives is an outreach ministry to teen mothers that I have the honor to be a part of. We dive into these girls lives, try to love on them the way that God has loved us, and eventually we have the opportunity to tell them all about how much God loves them, and what Jesus has done to restore them to Himself. It's crazy fun!!! Camp is an opportunity to get these young mamas away from day to day life, have them try new things, and lay out the gospel for them to consider in as simple a way as possible. It's super intense, it's super special, and I'm completely thankful to be a part of it!!

Next week... Vacation week with the fam!!!

TIME TO CELEBRATE!!!!!

God has given us a giant blessing!!!! He now has a full-time job!!! We can finish our adoption!!!!!!!

It’s been a rough, sweet, heart-breaking 6 months, but the dog-days are over!!!! God has shown Himself to us in a very real way, providing for us in dramatic fashion, just at the right time, even to the point of catering to our prayer requests (a la Gideon). He’s opened our eyes in a big way to new things He might be calling us to, and we’re totally excited about them. It’s been hard, but it’s been good. Thank you Lord!!!

We are beyond excited to be doing things that our hearts long to do. Not only do we have jobs, but he’s going to be working for Young Life and for a sweet, sweet church, and I even have the special opportunity of working part-time at a job that has me loving on and ministering to teen mothers in the area. AND obviously, it looks like God is providing for our HEART’S DESIRE to adopt a child in Ethiopia who needs a family.

Basically, I haven’t slept since Saturday because I’m so excited.

Just a little paperwork, a little fixing up the apartment for our home study, and we’ll be right back on that waitlist!!!!

Let’s BTBH, people!!!!!

James 1:17 – Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

On top of all that, we're celebrating together with a blog friend who just got a referral (you know who you are)!!!  Congrats you guys!!!

Song for Today

Did you ever find a song that captured every thing you felt in that moment? Ever find in disbelief that absolutely every new lyric seemed to somehow spring out of your own heart just as much as it did from the artist? Today I found the song that sums up for me the last little bit of my life and walk with God.

Some days are hard, and some not. This one leaned towards the hard side. But still, as I was running this morning, a Sara Groves song came on my iPod that all at once captured the grit and hope that I've been feeling. It wasn't really a new song for me, I've listened to it for years, but today I really understood it and felt that it understood me. It's a song about hope, faith, joy, and perseverance. It's a song about the ways that God can heal your heart. And it meant a lot to me this morning. The song is called "Less Like Scars," and it's by Sara Groves. Here are a couple of quotes from it, in order of how I feel them:

"It’s been a hard year But I'm climbing out of the rubble" "Just a little while ago I couldn't feel the power or the hope I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing Just a little while back I was desperate, broken, laid out Hoping you would come" "And I feel you here And you're picking up the pieces Forever faithful" "And in your hands the pain and hurt look less like scars and more like character" "So every day it's... Less like tearing more like building Less like captive more like willing Less like breakdown more like surrender Less like haunting more like remember" "Less like a prison a prison more like my room it's Less like a casket more like a womb Less like dying more like transcending Less like fear, less like an ending"

This year

 A year ago today, we started this adoption. A YEAR!! High five, right?! that's a big milestone!!

This year in summation:

-The paperwork stage was intense, but strangely fun for me (giant dork)
-After paperwork, getting baby/nursery stuff ready has been one fun way for me to feel connected to our baby
-God has opened our hearts and minds to the needs of people all over the world, but mostly, that people need Him all over the world, and that we can help with that
-He's opened my heart to a desire to love on and help orphans find love and a home
-We love the beach, we love our family, we love encouraging music, our friends, Ethiopian anything :), baby things, Haiti, Modern Family, blogs and blog friends, Szechuan 132, and Harry Potter (but we already knew that)
-We're praying for our babe every day; that he/she'd be safe, warm, fed, clean, and played with, and that God would be near to them, that they would grow to love Him, and that He would give us wisdom to raise them well
-We're learning about trials and suffering and what it means to have joy and peace in the midst of all of it
-I'm getting super pumped about doing black baby hair!!!! I've started stocking up on some Carol's Daughter, I'm keeping my eye out for other good stuff

-We're praying every day that we can bring him/her home soon. Maybe this year...

On hold.

You might be wondering what it means that we're on hold. Well, basically because a large part of our income has unexpectedly ceased, we are no longer able to report the same financial numbers on our adoption paperwork and have therefore, after a lengthy conversation with our most wonderful case worker, been placed on hold until the situation is rectified. We are praying fervently that the Lord would bring us a good job, one that would be fulfilling and encouraging, and obviously one that would allow us to complete this adoption and BTBH (bring that baby home), as we affectionately like to say. Please pray for us, if you think of it. Once we have things in order, we'll be re-doing some paperwork so as to get back on that wait list asap, and we'll get to retain the 6 months and change that we've already spent on it.

On a personal note, it's been hard. I've pitched fits at God. Then I felt guilty for pitching fits (duh), considering that it's not like anyone died, and we're not starving, or cold, or alone or enduring anything like what most of the world is suffering through. After which I determined that my pain is still real even though it's not the worst pain the world has ever seen. That pain belongs to sweet Jesus, and after all, pain is not a race. I've now come back around to a place where i want to bring my pain to God again, and my supplications, and he has begun to soothe my hurting heart. Thank you D.G. for a well timed letter, thank you L.Y. for your 10 minutes on why you'd say no to the devil if he offered you everything you ever wanted, and thank you Betsie ten Boom, you were the bomb. You guys helped me when I needed help turning this heart around. I'm doing better now. I have peace. I know that I must have faith, and that my God is trustworthy. My life is all in His hands, even my desires to love on our baby.

In other news, today is Ethiopian Christmas, so Melkam Ganna, everybody!!! Hope you're enjoying some wat and injera on this fine evening :) If you wanted to learn more about Ethiopian Christmas traditions, just click here.

2 Months...

We'll have officially been on the wait list for 2 months on this coming Monday (posting now, cause we'll be on vacation). It's getting harder, guys. It's hard to wait and miss someone you already love but you've never met, and then you feel ridiculous for thinking about it all the time, but it's all you want to think about, but it's sooo dang far away from ending, but at the same time it's close enough that you have "this time next year..." thoughts, and "she's more than likely pregnant," and "maybe just maybe he/she's born, but probably not," and the self-torture-cry-fest-other-people's-blog-reading, and I wish he/she were here to enjoy the beach with us... and on, and on, and always with the missing and the longing. Is this what it's like for you, Lord, missing and longing for your babies that you know are yours, but just aren't home quite yet? I never knew he loved me like this.

Well, there weren't many referrals in July, so we're all hoping for the list to move more in August, cause we all can't wait to meet our babies, and cause it means that more babies get families!!! To August!

Our place on the unofficial list:
#9 for boys
#11 for girls
#7 for either gender

Why Ethiopia?

I feel passionately that orphans, whatever their nationality, need loving families. As a family we feel called to adopt a child from Ethiopia. There are roughly 5 million orphaned children who need a family in Ethiopia. But there are also 800 thousand children in America that pass through the foster care system each year, and they too need a family. In fact, there are 143-147 million (depending on who you ask) children, orphans, who need a family in the world.

That being said, some of the reasons we really do feel called to Ethiopia are that AIDS, famine, and poverty are reeking havoc on that nation's families. One in 7.7 children die before their first birthday, over 50% of children under 5 are stunted by malnutrition, and most are at great risk for being mutilated, raped, abducted, forced into marriage at a young age, or even being trafficked in the black market for body parts. Millions of parents cannot feed their children. Poverty, sin, and perversion have no mercy on these little guys. Children who have no parents, who live on the street, are lost, you can see it in their eyes. That's true in Ethiopia, America, India, China, Haiti, Russia, and the world round. We're doing what we feel called to do to help, to love, to find our children, to be parents for the parentless.

ONE MONTH!!!

We've been on the wait list for our baby for a whole month today!!! YAAAYYY!!! Can you believe it?!? That means we probably only have like 6.5-9months to go until a referral :) WHAT?!?! That's crazy soon, right? right?

Plus, we found out this week that by the time we need to travel next year, we'll probably have built up enough sky-miles to award us 1 free round-trip ticket to Ethiopia!!! Can I get a "Whoop, whoop!" That's 1 down, 3.5 to go, folks :) Obviously, morale's pretty high around here!!

It's funny, since coming back from Haiti, I feel like I have a whole new perspective on life.

1) For starters, I have way less anxiety about adoption stuff and life in general. I think for the first time in my life I'm really learning what it means that I don't have to fret, worry, or be afraid of anything, because my Lord, my eternal Dad, is in charge of this whole sha-bang. How freeing is that?! He has all the money in the world, he cares about people and hurts over injustice way more than I do, He's never taken off guard by a need that anyone has, never scrambling to make things work out, He knows the end of the story, He's got this under control. All I have to do is just follow Him, and He'll take care of the rest. Yay!

2) Then I pair that with my new-found knowledge of the condition of the world; that America is just part of a much larger, painful picture, that all people are equally important to God and also equally broken, and that there's SUCH a need for help; for people who have (the Gospel and material resources) to help the rest of the world that is FULL of those who don't. There are so many children... too many children living in garbage dumps.

3) ...And what I get is a FIRE growing in my bones, as Sara Groves would say, to get out there and do something with the life He's given me!!!! I'm so excited to have a sense of purpose, to know how I want to serve the Lord, have found something I can't wait to pour my energy into!!! Don't know what it's gonna look like yet, but I'm excited!!!

But in the meanwhile, as we wait expectantly for our next big adventure, our sweeeeet baby, I compiled lists of Amharic names, from what I could find on the internet. The links below will open into a Google Doc and you should be able to edit them in case you know a name that's not on there, or maybe something's not quite right, cause I totally don't have any illusions that they're completely accurate. There are some really beautiful names like Salayish-"before I saw you", and some super sad names, like Masresha-"the one who helped us to forget". Hope you find them helpful, and enjoy reading them as much as I do!!! Oh, and I also found this other website with a pretty extensive list PLUS some pronunciations, sweet!

boy
girl



#25 (11 girls, 8 boys and 5 either genders ahead of us)

Saranac and Haiti

Last Saturday my husband left for Young Life camp at Saranac in New York. They left at 9pm, and didn't get there till 3pm. He said he got pretty good sleep on the bus considering. Bless him :) Only one or two of the high-schoolers that were going had ever been to YL camp before, and they brought more campers than they have in the last 10 years = a sure recipe for an amazing week :) From the couple contacts I've had with him, it seems like everything's going great. They've been tubing, and para-sailing, and all sorts of crazy business. I pray every one of those kids comes back changed, with a seed of hope and Gospel love planted in their hearts. I'm so thankful for my man.

Tomorrow I leave for Haiti with a group from our church. I'll probably be helping out with a medical clinic, and maybe some VBS. I'm so stoked!!! I had been increasingly nervous this week, but after talking to two of my friends who've been before, I'm less nervous and more excited to go. It is a little daunting to think of getting ready for such a trip without my best friend here to help me and go with me, but here it goes, and he'll be home to pick me up when I get back. My friend J reassures me I'm going to fall in love with the Haitian people. Can't wait to!! If you think to, please pray for endurance, humility and safety for our team. Please pray that I would have such an attitude, that my heart would be able to soak up everything my Lord wants to show me. Thanks so much to everyone who made this trip possible for me... shout out to the peeps at our home church!!

I've been singing a song by Sara Groves this morning in my head. It's called "Like a Lake"

Heart to hearts with government employees :)

This morning I was running with my sweet sister in law and telling her how I hope that our papers come in this week, and within 30 minutes I got a phone call from area code 202... The State Department!!!! Oh, no big deal, it was just some awesome guy saying that he'd received my final documents needed to fix my birth certificate, and he'd get it done TODAY!!! Praise the LORD!!!

Sooo naturally, I immediately go rifling through my filing box and find the phone number for USCIS, because immigration approval is the only thing standing in our way now. I hesitate. It hasn't quite been the full 8 weeks they tell you to wait before calling to check on your status, and I don't want to be a bother. But I swiftly get over it and call, 'cause I really want to know where we are.

My call's answered by the sweetest woman, in the best mood ever. She's surprised that we've been waiting so long for approval (phew, she's not annoyed with me!), and asks if we've sent in our home study. I tell her that yes, it was sent in by our agency on April 7th, overnighted. Hmm, she says, that's funny, it seems it hasn't been assigned to an officer yet, weird. Long story short, we called our agency, tracked down who signed for the home study, and my faithful new friend at USCIS is going to get our file together and get it processed for us. She said she'll call me tomorrow with a tentative time frame!!! Yay, we're almost there!!!

Also, if you haven't seen the movie Babies yet, you totally should, it was so fun!!! We were laughing so hard we cried, multiple times. I only cried in sadness and longing for my baby once, so it's pretty safe :)

A real live miracle

Y'ALL!!! You won't BELIEVE what happened last night!! We had dinner, I did the dishes, normal evening, no big deal. EXCEPT!!! We have a cast iron skillet, and I had made some chicken adobo in it, and as I always do I washed it with hot water and then left it on the stove on low with a little oil rubbed on it so the water evaporates and it doesn't rust, only this time I forgot that I had left it on the stove!!! We LEFT the apartment for like 30 minutes, came back, and were starting to nonchalantly talk about what we wanted to do the rest of the evening, when I set my keys in the key bowl and saw that the stove light was on, telling me I'd left a burner on. WHAT?!?! I rushed over and not only was there no black smoke and burning smell billowing out of the pan (ok, so maybe I have a little experience in this area), but the oil was still there and it had accumulated into a little puddle on one side, and it seemed to be room-temp consistency. I was amazed. I put my hand over the pan... nothing. I picked up the pan... nothing. I put my hand over the burner... nothing. Praise the Lord!!! It's a miracle, there's no other possible explanation!!! For reals y'all, that was the same burner had used to make dinner, and guess what.... I used it again this morning to make tea. Our sweet Jesus took care of us, and protected us from setting out little apartment on fire! Thank you, Lord!!!


And by the way, tomorrow's our 3 year anniversary!!! Yay!!! I love you, my sweets!!! You're my perfect gift! I just realized yesterday I've been telling people we've been married for three years for quite a while now, oops :)

Compassion

Emily:


We have a friend. His name is Miguel, he's about to turn 12 in July, and he lives in El Salvador. His picture is on our fridge. We write him letters because we love him, and he writes us back, drawings and all. We love him though we've never met him face to face. He's our Compassion kid.

Compassion International is a sweet organization that matches sponsors from privileged countries, such as ours, to children in impoverished countries who need their help. For just $38 a month, a child is provided with food, health screening and basic vaccinations, an education, and the Gospel. And the great part is, these children can continue to live with their families, who otherwise wouldn't be able to support them. I guess in theory, if there were enough folks out there who were willing to sponsor a kid, there would be just as many fewer families forced to relinquish their precious babes. Do me a favor, and take a sec to check out the three links below.

1) Here's a video of a man who grew up in Kenya. He used to be a Compassion kid, and this is the story of how the letters from his sponsor changed his life (watch the whole thing, there's a sweet surprise at the end)(watch it even and especially if you're already a sponsor). You'll bawl your eyes out, I promise.

2) Here's one of my favorite songs in the world, written by our friend Lee Younger. I suggest you listen to it while doing number three.

3) Please, visit this website, check out those sweet faces, click on their names and learn their stories. And then, if God's putting it on your heart, sponsor one of those babies, they need your help to just make it through life.

Bumper Stickers

I have to put this out there for those of you who don't know: (Warning - I am a jerk) I hate most bumper stickers. Sometimes I want to put them on the back of my car, but I never really get the guts to. Why? Well, first it's a big commitment, kind of like a tattoo...most of them lack creativity...even the ones that people like enough to buy seem to trap them in being limited in definition by what's on the back of their car. I feel they really force people to judge you right off the bat. "A democrat would cut me off!" "This guy with the Jesus fish on the back of his car parked in a handicap spot!?" All of a sudden I have judged democrats and Christians because of these bumper stickers, and next time I see someone with one of those bumper stickers I just might go ahead and expect them to be awful people because I have been trained like Pavlov's dogs not to trust them...but I'm getting off point.

There is really just one bumper sticker that gets under my skin more than all the rest: it's that blue one with the yellow lettering; a big letter K with the phrase "I have a terrific kid." Barf. Look, I appreciate that the parent is proud of their kid. I don't even doubt that their kid is terrific. What gets under my skin is that the bumper sticker is implying that the Kiwanis Club(which is what the K stands for) is what makes their kid terrific. The Kiwanis Club is a worldwide group that helps people through educating and service projects. Potentially great program right? I was never in the Kiwanis club but it sounds kind of like the Boy Scouts, which brings me to my point: the Kiwanis club, the Boy Scouts, Private School, Public School, Home School, Little League Soccer - None of them can make a kid terrific; they are all neutral. They all have great advantages in gaining worldly wisdom, learning how to look good on the outside. They might lead you to pats on the back, college scholarships down the road, or maybe even a job you want at some point...but they will never change your insides.

Even if we wrote the golden rule "Love others better than yourself" above our doors and gave it a good luck tap as we entered the world every day, like the Fighting Irish about to play a game in the crisp fall air, would it work? The answer is undeniably NO. We sign our kids up for programs that will make them "terrific", even after we have all learned that being a boy scout does not change you into a good person. Some of the most underhanded people I have ever known were boy scouts, me and a couple of my closest friends being in that group. I think the apostle Paul put it best when he wrote a letter to people in Rome: "So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Ah, that is our hope! I will not sign my kids up for growing programs and service projects in hopes that they will be transformed into someone who always remember the golden rule. But I do look forward to the hope that one day they will see their wretched Sin, when they will cry out to Jesus who wants all men to be saved, and when they start to love back the One who has been loving terrifically all the while. They can be boy scouts, soccer players, do-gooders. My bumper sticker would say "I have a terrific kid because they are being changed from the inside out." And then I would cut somebody off and that person would never trust people who's kids are being changed from the inside out ever again.

Sweet baby dreams

A couple of weeks ago my fried had a dream that she went to Ethiopia with us and my Dad to pick up our babies. That's right, two, a set of twins. a boy and girl!! How funny is that?!? If you think I didn't melt inside for a moment and wish we were getting twins, think again :)

I had a dream too just the other night. It was about meeting our baby. He was a boy, and he was tiny, and I can remember feeling so much love for him, and my husband was so in love with him... it was sooo sweet. Only, then, as i held him I started to realize that he wasn't Ethiopian at all, he was just as vanilla as me. It caught me totally off guard, I was like "what the heck?!?" But I'm pretty sure I decided to love him anyways :) Dreams are the weirdest!! I think it must've been some sort of repressed fear I have of getting a referral for a child that's different from what we're expecting. There's a fair amount of letting go of expectations in adoption. Just about every piece of paperwork we sign has some sort of disclaimer on it, stating that things may not go as planned. It's really sweet, cause part of me (the part that knows that God's in control) doesn't think this is any big deal, cause I realize that I've never had an ounce of control anyways, nor do I want it. The other part of me (that does want to hold on to my life with an iron fist and freak out when something slips) just needs to jump on the bandwagon and take a ride on the wild side! :) Nothing's unexpected to my Lord, he knows exactly what I need, and exactly what's gonna happen in our life. So far, he's given me the sweetest boy in the world for a husband, some days I stop and realize how special he is and I just can't believe he's mine!!! We're closing in on our third anniversary :)

Adopted

(Me and my buddy back in the day. Just met his awesome fiance. Congrats Griggles!!!)

Warmth! I'm so excited about living at the beach here in the next 6 months, mostly because I can be in the warmth of the Sun and be working at the same time. I just spent the other morning putting together a hangout in the basement of a beach house that is bound to see many an epic game of ping pong or Foosball, and lots of naps while watching movies after coming off the beach. This is my job! I befriend teenage folks and do things like this while fighting for their spiritual well-being. So, what does hanging out have to do with the soul?

I've had this conversation with a couple of people lately: what's so important about hanging out? The simple answer is, that through hanging out, people just realize they can be themselves with one another. In the movie "Meet Joe Black" the character Quince describes what Love is to Death. He says it's when his wife knows "the worst thing about me and its okay." Knowing someone at their worst and accepting them in spite of that...sounds like a pretty accurate definition from a human perspective. Letting yourself be loved includes knowing the you that is being accepted. I think of my kid: will they grow into a confusion about who they are? Will it tear them up that they don't know what their birth parents look like? Will they search for fulfillment in where they came from? I think of the dead ends that I have spent time looking for fulfillment in: status, pleasure, comfort, etc. Will they look there as well?

Regardless, there will inevitably come a point, sooner or later, that they will question their identity and feel unable to look to me for an answer. I was raised by my birth parents, know the culture I was born into, and am not from where my kid will be from. But what I will tell them is what binds all of us together: we have all been orphans. Some of us don't know our birth parents. We all know what it's like to not have a spiritual Dad to turn to. Even for those of us who have cried out like children to our loving Father, none of us have yet seen His face. Even with all of us being very different, we are very much the same when it comes to this.
My kid will actually have an advantage. They will see that their adopted dad is their real dad. They will know that their real home is not the place they were born, it is the place they are going. My hope is that they will know, much more than I can, that their Heavenly Father waits for them with the expectation that I do now; expectation that only a real dad could have.

Ephesians 1:4-6 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Favorite food: green bean casserole
Favorite song: Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks
Favorite rapper ever: still Ice Cube

Addicted

So for the last six days I have been a bachelor. Although, this time around it was not nearly as fun. My wife went out of town, but it wasn't anything like what I remember single life being. I once was a proud and independent young man. Of course back before I met her I lived with my best friends in a house that was always awake. I loved that time of my life but I always, even growing up, felt a little bit lonely to be just a bachelor. I know that Paul said it is better to not marry if you can but, if I'm honest, I don't think I was built for that.

I was 20 and perfectly content with my life, not feeling that I would care if I ever got married, and then SHE came along. She was sweet, cute, unashamedly wore her heart on her sleave, and could often just be a wreck. I liked her. So, to shorten things a bit, we got married and I love our marriage! So, she goes out of town for almost a week and I become a bored and much less useful man... How did that happen?!

Three months ago my grandmother died and a couple of weeks ago her husband followed. After she was gone he felt like he didn't have a purpose in life, so this perfectly healthy older man got shingles and died in his sleep a couple of nights later. It's amazing to hear of people dying of a broken heart. There have been books written on it by doctors and scientists. You should look it up. A woman will die on what would have been her husband's birthday or their anniversary.

My marriage changes me. I do things because I'm married that I would not do if I was single. When my wife leaves town I slump into withdrawal. I think it is safe to say that I'm addicted to my wife. So let's answer this question: is it OK to be addicted? Well, my marriage and my wife are certainly not sufficient to fill up my life. That infinite hole calls for an infinite God. If my wife were to die I would still have purpose, would still want people to know this God that fills me up.

Marriage was not created to fill me up, but to be a picture. The way I love my wife is supposed to be a picture to her of how Jesus loves her, and her job is to be my treasure. Our relationship is a little glimpse of the great love affair between God and us. He loves us and we are his treasure. So this is what I have decided while I've been writing this: I need to be more girlie. I need to know that my purpose in life is to be the Groom's treasure. So when my wife leaves for a day, or a week, or for good, my addiction will not get the best of me, even if I'm not willing to seek treatment.

Favorite Song: Please, Before I Go by Derek Webb
Favorite Food: Salad
Favorite place to practice dance moves: the kitchen (socks are helpful)