Daddy

The boy who never wanted to grow up ended up doing so by choice in the end. When he was in his forties his nemesis kidnapped his children and took them to a place that Peter couldn't remember. Not only didn't he remember where it was, but he forgot that he himself was from there; that it was a timeless place with timeless people and endless adventure. None of the lost boys or pirates understood why anyone would have wanted to leave Neverland in the first place, all wondering what would make the boy that defined it depart. And when Peter finally went back to Neverland he forgot about his present life and started to wonder the same thing... Until one day, standing in a hideout carved out of the inside of a tree, holding an old teddy bear, he finally remembered: Peter Pan left Neverland and grew up...because he wanted to have a kid; his son was his happy thought.

I didn't get to choose to grow up. Most of my life, and even in moments of forgetfulness now, I haven't wanted to. I have gray hairs now, past my physical prime... soon to purchase an ear and nose hair trimmer. But if I had chosen to grow up, like Peter chose, I think it would have been good to settle on the same reason. Of course I have gained so much in growing up: a relationship with the Living God, a marriage with my favorite person, true friends; happy thoughts. So why, as everyone should probably ask themselves if considering doing so, should I have a kid?

A kid will not fulfill my life. I have no false notions that I will be the perfect dad, able to raise a family without mistakes. They will not be able to make up for my sinful habits, or shortcomings, or be a better version of me. In fact, they will probably be a lot like me. They will have sin: pride, lust, jealousy, doubt, etc. I can never make them believe anything, or will their adult life to be a certain way. The world might chew them up and spit them out.

I think that there must be a goal for having a kid; something to say about it other than "that's just what you do." The seemingly bad news that they and I will not be perfect is also the good news that they and I don't have to be perfect. I hope I can remember that when they do something that I'm pridefully appalled by, and I hope they can remember the same when I do a bad job of being a dad and have to go to them and ask forgiveness. I want my kid to be themselves, limits coming into play at hitting people, lying, playing with hand guns, snorting cocaine, etc. I want them to know Jesus, because I want them to have life and be their true selves. Frustratingly enough, I can't force any of this. I can create rules and habits, of which there will be a few, but in the end they will be the man or woman they choose to be. So here is all I can do: love them... visibly... unconditionally, when they've gone past the limits. I have the task of painting them a picture of what their Heavenly Father is like, so they might know Him and live. That's why I'm going to have a kid: to love them well. So they can know that they are my happy thought. Simple.