Adopted

(Me and my buddy back in the day. Just met his awesome fiance. Congrats Griggles!!!)

Warmth! I'm so excited about living at the beach here in the next 6 months, mostly because I can be in the warmth of the Sun and be working at the same time. I just spent the other morning putting together a hangout in the basement of a beach house that is bound to see many an epic game of ping pong or Foosball, and lots of naps while watching movies after coming off the beach. This is my job! I befriend teenage folks and do things like this while fighting for their spiritual well-being. So, what does hanging out have to do with the soul?

I've had this conversation with a couple of people lately: what's so important about hanging out? The simple answer is, that through hanging out, people just realize they can be themselves with one another. In the movie "Meet Joe Black" the character Quince describes what Love is to Death. He says it's when his wife knows "the worst thing about me and its okay." Knowing someone at their worst and accepting them in spite of that...sounds like a pretty accurate definition from a human perspective. Letting yourself be loved includes knowing the you that is being accepted. I think of my kid: will they grow into a confusion about who they are? Will it tear them up that they don't know what their birth parents look like? Will they search for fulfillment in where they came from? I think of the dead ends that I have spent time looking for fulfillment in: status, pleasure, comfort, etc. Will they look there as well?

Regardless, there will inevitably come a point, sooner or later, that they will question their identity and feel unable to look to me for an answer. I was raised by my birth parents, know the culture I was born into, and am not from where my kid will be from. But what I will tell them is what binds all of us together: we have all been orphans. Some of us don't know our birth parents. We all know what it's like to not have a spiritual Dad to turn to. Even for those of us who have cried out like children to our loving Father, none of us have yet seen His face. Even with all of us being very different, we are very much the same when it comes to this.
My kid will actually have an advantage. They will see that their adopted dad is their real dad. They will know that their real home is not the place they were born, it is the place they are going. My hope is that they will know, much more than I can, that their Heavenly Father waits for them with the expectation that I do now; expectation that only a real dad could have.

Ephesians 1:4-6 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Favorite food: green bean casserole
Favorite song: Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks
Favorite rapper ever: still Ice Cube

Daddy

The boy who never wanted to grow up ended up doing so by choice in the end. When he was in his forties his nemesis kidnapped his children and took them to a place that Peter couldn't remember. Not only didn't he remember where it was, but he forgot that he himself was from there; that it was a timeless place with timeless people and endless adventure. None of the lost boys or pirates understood why anyone would have wanted to leave Neverland in the first place, all wondering what would make the boy that defined it depart. And when Peter finally went back to Neverland he forgot about his present life and started to wonder the same thing... Until one day, standing in a hideout carved out of the inside of a tree, holding an old teddy bear, he finally remembered: Peter Pan left Neverland and grew up...because he wanted to have a kid; his son was his happy thought.

I didn't get to choose to grow up. Most of my life, and even in moments of forgetfulness now, I haven't wanted to. I have gray hairs now, past my physical prime... soon to purchase an ear and nose hair trimmer. But if I had chosen to grow up, like Peter chose, I think it would have been good to settle on the same reason. Of course I have gained so much in growing up: a relationship with the Living God, a marriage with my favorite person, true friends; happy thoughts. So why, as everyone should probably ask themselves if considering doing so, should I have a kid?

A kid will not fulfill my life. I have no false notions that I will be the perfect dad, able to raise a family without mistakes. They will not be able to make up for my sinful habits, or shortcomings, or be a better version of me. In fact, they will probably be a lot like me. They will have sin: pride, lust, jealousy, doubt, etc. I can never make them believe anything, or will their adult life to be a certain way. The world might chew them up and spit them out.

I think that there must be a goal for having a kid; something to say about it other than "that's just what you do." The seemingly bad news that they and I will not be perfect is also the good news that they and I don't have to be perfect. I hope I can remember that when they do something that I'm pridefully appalled by, and I hope they can remember the same when I do a bad job of being a dad and have to go to them and ask forgiveness. I want my kid to be themselves, limits coming into play at hitting people, lying, playing with hand guns, snorting cocaine, etc. I want them to know Jesus, because I want them to have life and be their true selves. Frustratingly enough, I can't force any of this. I can create rules and habits, of which there will be a few, but in the end they will be the man or woman they choose to be. So here is all I can do: love them... visibly... unconditionally, when they've gone past the limits. I have the task of painting them a picture of what their Heavenly Father is like, so they might know Him and live. That's why I'm going to have a kid: to love them well. So they can know that they are my happy thought. Simple.