Danno

When my grandmother (MawMaw) died less than 3 months ago after a long fight with physical and mental illness no one knew what to say. We didn't remember the woman that we had grown up with, as she had been slowly beaten down by time. This Sunday morning when the curtain closed on the life of her husband we all knew what to say, we just didn't want to say it.

It's easy to remember him. It seems like he was just here, the same man he had always been. I walked through his house this morning; read his hand writing and sat in the seats he would have. It was Danno that bought a beach house for his family that I've slept in for twenty three summers. It was Danno that bought a house with a pool for his grandchildren, a pool I visited every summer of my youth. This is the man who I remember taking me as a kid to feed ducks, teaching me how to use a shoe horn, always slipping a candy into my hands, taking me to movies, and knowing my friends. I can't help, while thinking of the man who called me his best friend, that part of my life has ended.

I miss him because I knew him. You don't hate death until someone you know well is suddenly gone. I think Danno always hated death. In the movie Vanilla Sky the character David Ames asks "Isn’t that what being young is about, believing secretly that you would be the one person in the history of man that would live forever?" I think that thought may have been what shaped my Danno to be who he was. At times he was larger than life; jolly, searching for laughter, and always un-apologetically wanting to be a kid. He wanted for this to be Heaven.

We all find out that this is NOT Heaven, and we are comforted only by Jesus' words as Eugene Peterson translates John 12:24 "Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal." Isn't that the only way I can let go now? To know that the future holds life only because of what we lost yesterday; that Heaven is something we have to look forward to, not regret that we never found here?

I think, if Danno could talk to me right now it would be him saying Jesus' words this time: "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." He was right all along I guess. So when I'm sitting on Topsail beach, or bringing out the last Christmas present to see someone's face light up, or standing on my tip toes to wave down at my grandson when he graduates from high school, I will be a kid. I will be simple; I will trust. I stood on his back porch today and cried and said "I miss you Danno. I love you." We are his legacy. So when my sister and I drove home this morning singing "how great Though art" to God, we had to be simple and trust to do it. We are children and I think Danno would be happy.

Favorite food: Jelly
Favorite song: Fourth of July by Ben Shive

C-of-C i love it! i love it! i love it!

So the Heels just had their first scrimmage last night and the Cougs have their first today. It was only a matter of time before the greatest picture EVER got released to this blog (All the best CofC fans in one place.)

If my left arm had been turned in a little it would have looked like my arms barely got over my head even when holding them straight up. Let's be honest: people already wonder that.

I decided I would write about two things this week: 1 - a picture of my sinful habits and 2 - a little about my family life the last two weeks with my grandmother (MawMaw) passing away.

1 - We crashed the college church lunch last Sunday to be with some of our YL leader friends and to score some free pot roast. I planned on not really talking to anyone so as to not give myself away, but this one guy introduced himself to me and started asking me about myself (dang you nice people!!!). So naturally I started lying. I am still a Comm major with a Psych minor, but I'm actually a senior at UNCW now. Bet none of ya'll knew that. So, of course, my wife comes up right after my lie, not knowing what a loser I have been, and introduces herself and me with truthful information. Busted! All this was followed by my silence and a speedy walk away after scooping some mashed potatoes on my plate. I kind of had to laugh at myself afterward just to avoid puking due to my grossness. I think I used to be somewhat of a compulsive lier/embellisher, but haven't really seen myself there for a while. I mean, I was no less perfect after lying than I was before the lie. Telling the truth wouldn't have made me a better person or qualified by my actions for more love from God. I think I identify daily with Paul when he calls himself the worst of sinners. Thank God that I am not made righteous by anything that I do. I forget that pretty easily, because people aren't like God; I'm not like God.

2 - It's been a real tough last few years with my MawMaw being sick for my whole family, and mostly for my grandfather (Danno) and my Mom. The past two weeks have definitely been a time of thinking "what the heck was that all about?" I got to talk at MawMaw's funeral about how grandparents always make you feel like a treasure; how I could never do wrong in the eyes of my MawMaw. Through that kind of love I developed a jealousy, loving her back because I was hers and I wanted her to be mine. So even when loving her in the later years was uncomfortable, I wanted to. In the 13th chapter of Matthew's gospel account Jesus says that a man found a treasure in a field and went and sold all he had to buy the field so he could have the treasure. The man he was talking about was himself; He gave all He had on the Cross, and we are the treasure. So we get to love the One back who loves us like the treasure we are to Him. The love He gave was uncomfortable and hard; harder than a parent or grandparent's love. That's what I feel like my MawMaw's life points to. But how do we, at the end of things say: "I am His and He is mine"? Most people, if they believe in Heaven, would still say something like "I'll try to do my best to get to Heaven." Man, how crappy is that!? The Man has payed all He had to buy the field, and the Treasure doesn't even know that He can say back "I belong to you." How does one belong to God? Scripture repeatedly tells us that the answer is simply "believe." It changes our whole lives. We become jealous for His love when we believe, and we start to love Him back. But even on days when we don't, when we tell people bold faced lies, we still lay safe in His pocket, because we have believed. I may be a loser with sinful habits occasionally surfacing on the day I die, but I'm goin' to Heaven people! Count on it.

Weekly favorites:

- Food: Orangeade

- Song: "Don't Give Up on Me" by Andrew Peterson

- Fact: The moon is 400x closer and 400x smaller than the Sun, making for a perfect Solar eclipse, and allowing us to study specific things about the universe. From this we have learned about spectra of stars, that gravity bends light, Earth's rotation changes, and have been able to date ancient calendars.